The One Where Monica Falls In Love
by Thexa
Summary: It starts in London at the end of season 4, during the wedding. This time, Monica finds Joey in the bedroom, but she can't do it with him. She then realises she has feelings for one another...
1. Chap 1 : Just Wanting To Feel Desirable

_Yes, I know what you're thinking : again, another Mondler story set up at the end of season 4 :p_

 _I just wanted to write this one... It's from Monica's point of view, I tried to put myself in her complicated mind (well, since I have one myself too it was easier ^^) and it'll have several chapters. Don't expect Monica to understand her feelings before a few chapters (just a warning... I like to drag things out :p)._

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 **Chapter 1 : Just Wanting To Feel Desirable**

I drink. Again. I don't know how many glasses I had. I don't care. I'm not drunk yet but I intend to be in a couple of hours. I want to forget everything. I'm sitting down at my table, silent. My eyes are staring at a point far away, but it's like I don't see anything. I'm lost in my toughts, I think about what that drunken man had said. I'm not that young anymore. I kissed only one guy since Pete a year ago, and it was a fiasco. Sure, I shouldn't have picked Richard's son... This night, I'm not thinking about getting married, having babies... which is weird. I'm just worried. Could a man still be interested in me in a sexy way ? It's stupid I know, I shouldn't care about that. But tonight, that's all that matters. Suddenly, I become aware of all the other people in the room. I study the faces : there are some attractive men, but I don't feel like hitting on them. I want to feel desirable. I want THEM to come to me.

Chandler is sitting beside me, silent too. He seems bored, looking down at the table. He was sweet earlier, but I didn't take what he said really seriously, after all he's one of my best friends, of course he was going to say all those nice things to comfort me. I sigh, and Chandler raises his head : _"You ok ?"_

Of course I'm not... I know it's a rhetorical question but it annoys me. Come on Chandler, you see and know I'm not okay tonight... But I smile : _"Yeah... I'm just missing the girls I think..."_ I lie. _"I'm gonna use the phone at the reception to talk to Phoebe or Rachel, I'll be right back."_ He smiles back at me : _"'K Mon, I'll be waiting here."_

I go to the reception and feel so alone over there... I need a man. Not a man to cheer me up. A man to make me forget I'm getting older, a man to make me feel beautiful, a man to kiss me... and more, obviously. I dial the phone number of home, Phoebe answers quickly and seems so happy to hear me that it makes me chuckle. She starts speaking about Rachel but I quickly interrupt her (maybe I'm a bit drunk already) : _"Phoebs I don't care ! A man just thought I was Ross' mother ! Am I so old ? I mean... I can't be the girl you spot in the room and wanna have sex with anymore, right ? It's over, I'm not sexy anymore... I'm just a woman good to procreate..."_

Phoebe seems confused... _"What ? But... I thought you want to have a serious relationship, babies..."_

I nod, even though she can't see me : _"Yes... but not tonight. This drunken man made me think. Tonight, I wanna have fun again. I want meaningless sex. I want to feel desirable, sexy. But not one single guy came to hit on me... Gosh, I'm so depressed..."_

There's a blank, then Phoebe speaks up : _"You know... If you want meaningless sex... I know someone who's really good at it. He won't bother you with feelings afterwards."_

I sigh : _"Thanks, but I need it tonight, not when I'll be back in New-York..."_

My friend then says : _"Oh, he's in London..."_

I feel a jolt in my heart : could I feel better soon ? _"Really ? Who is he ?"_

I hear Phoebe taking a big inspiration : _"I don't know if it's a good idea, though..."_ I'm suddenly exasperated : _"Come on, tell me ! Who is this guy ? I already want him !"_

Another blank at the other side of the line. Then Phoebe's voice, almost in a whisper : _"Joey."_

I'm shocked. I hadn't think about him. But she's right. He's the better solution. I know him, I'll be less afraid to go to see him (well, I still need a few drinks to do that, though). He won't ask for a relationship after that. It won't be akward : I'm not in love with him and I know I won't be. He won't be either. He's great in bed. We'll laugh about it later. Plus, if I'm drunk enough, I might not remember it well. Perfect.

I thank Phoebe (who seems quite embarrassed and starts saying : _"Wait, about Rach..."_ ), hang up and go back to the "party". Chandler is still there like he promised. He smiles at me : _"Feeling better ?"_ I don't wanna talk to him. I could talk to him for hours, because I'm so comfortable with him, and that's not what I need right now. I quickly nod and ask him : _"Do you know where Joey is ?"_

He seems surprised. Why wouldn't he be ? Joey is not the one I'm looking for usually. He hesitates : _"Errrrmmmmm... he's with the other bridesmaid, I think he's gonna score again tonight..."_

I panick a little bit. Shoot. He already found someone to sleep with tonight. _"Oh man..."_ is the only thing I say before falling down on my chair. Chandler seems concerned : _"Is there something important you need to tell him ?"_ Great. I'll be stuck here, speaking with Chandler, who seems almost as depressed as I am. Great couple.

" _Doesn't matter"_ , I mumbled. I get up and go searching for drinks. Chandler follows me. God, why doesn't he just give up ? Leave me alone, Chandler ! I don't want your nice company ! I want sex ! But I can't say that to him. He's so sweet. He's next to me while I'm drinking again, talking about the drunken guy, about the fact that I'm beautiful, and that I'll find the man of my life very soon, and I'll have beautiful babies, I'll be happy and I'll forget about this night and this rude man. Shut up Chandler. I'm not in the mood for this kind of talk.

A few drinks later, the room starts to spin. I think I'm drunk enough to do this. Chandler insists to bring me back to my hotel room. He keeps asking questions ("Are you sure you'll be fine ?", "Do you want me to stay ?", "You sure you'll be okay tomorrow ?"...) and I only answer by yes or no. I really want him to shut up.

Finally I'm alone in my bedroom. I stay there for a while, preparing myself. How should I do this ?

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TBC...

Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it and you want to know what's next :)


	2. Chapter 2 : I Can't Do This

**Thank you so much for your kind words, it means a lot to me, really.**

 **I know it's a rough start (and this chapter is probably the hardest, I hate the thought of Joey and Monica too) but don't worry there will be (very) cute moments later, I promise :)**

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 **Chapter 2 : I Can't Do This**

I get up from my bed, get out of my room and grab one last drink at the bar of the hotel to give me more courage. I'm ready. I take the elevator, so I won't risk to fall down the stairs... Okay here I am, in front of his door. Their door, actually. Damn, I hope Chandler isn't in there. He won't understand what I need. He thinks too highly of me. He's too sweet. He's... I quickly shake my head to get him out of my mind, or else I won't be able to ask what I want to Joey, and take a deep breath.

I knock, and - thank God - Joey opens the door, still in his suit. _"Hey Joe ! Is Chandler here ?"_

" _No, he's out, walking in the city. Told him it wasn't safe but he said he needed to walk..."_ Joey says, shrugging.

Why does Chandler need to walk alone by night ? Is it my fault ? Nah, he too has his problems, that can't be me. Get out of my mind, Chandler. Let me do something stupid. I enter the bedroom and try to sound casual : _"So... I hear you hooked up with the other bridesmaid, uh ?"_

Joey's face lights up : _"Oh yeah ! She's so hot... I'm meeting her in her bedroom in about an hour."_

I take a sip of my drink. I need courage. _"Soooooo... Would you like to sleep with two bridesmaids on the same night ?"_

Joey's smile becomes even bigger : _"Oh God, yeah ! Who's the other one ? Is she hot ?"_

Man, I forgot he could be so dumb... I help him : _"Mmmm, the other one is Ross' sister. Do you think she's hot ?"_

Joey seems confused for a while : _"Ross' sister ?... I didn't meet her. Who is... OOOOOOHHHHHHHHH !"_

There. He got it. I ask again my question : _"So... Do you think she's hot ?"_

He shakes his head. What ? Is he gonna say no ? Seriously ? _"Mon... Of course you're hot... Remember the first time we met ? I mean, back then, I..."_

I'm annoyed and yell at him : _"This is not my question Joey ! Am I hot NOW ? Would you sleep with me tonight ? Am I hot enough for you ?"_

He seems surprised. I can't blame him. I barely recognize myself. He doesn't say anything, so I try to explain : _"Tonight, I just want to have sex. And you're the best person for that. But I need to know you want it too. I need to feel hot. Don't worry, I don't want a relationship. It'll be a one-night thing. Nobody has to know. Unless you don't want to..."_

" _No no no ! I want to ! I mean... I always think you're hot, you know. The three of you girls are hot. I would totally sleep with you. It's just that... You're my friend, and... I don't want to hurt you."_

" _You won't ! I promise !"_ I almost yell, coming closer to him and touching his right arm.

" _Well... Okay then..."_ and he smiles excitedly. It's not the smile of someone who's in love, there's no tenderness. It's the smile of someone who's only physically attracted to the person in front. Perfect. Exactly what I wanted.

He takes my head in his hands and strokes my cheeks before leaning in. I keep my eyes open and gulp. He's hot, but how come I don't want to kiss him ? What's wrong with me ? His mouth is almost on mine, but I step back. He opens his eyes, surprised. I smile weakly : _"Let's not start with a kiss on the mouth, okay ?"_ He nods, comes closer and wraps his arms around me. I'm uncomfortable. I wasn't expecting that. I feel his breath on my neck, he's ready to kiss me there, and this time I push him back.

" _I'm sorry..."_ I apologize, biting one nail. _"I don't... I don't understand... I don't... I don't know..."_ Shoot ! Wasn't I drunk enough ? Joey's hot, Monica ! All the girls want to sleep with him !

Joey doesn't seem too upset. _"Monica, don't worry... Maybe your mind wants to do that, but not your heart, nor your body..."_

Hey, he can be smart ! He continues : _"It's okay. We shouldn't do this. Plus, Chandler will probably come back soon. I don't think he would be pleased to see us... well... doing it. I'm gonna go wait for my bridesmaid outside. You can sleep here. I won't need my bed anyway... Are you okay ?"_

I shake my head : _"No... Yes... I don't know..."_ I feel my eyes becoming watery and Joey immediately hugs me. I don't push him back this time. He's hugging me as a friend, and that's fine. _"Just rest, okay ?"_ I nod. He stops hugging me, opens the door, gives me a last smile and gets out.

I'm alone. Again. But I feel a bit better. And what happened really calmed me down. I don't want meaningless sex anymore. I want comfort. Suddenly, I found myself wishing Chandler was here. He knows how to cheer me up. And earlier I wouldn't listen to him... Oh God, I was so cold to him. He was sweet and adorable and I was just mean and rude ! I'm so stupid. He must be mad at me. What did I do ?

I sigh and look at the two beds. Yes, I should rest, Joey is right. But not in Joey's bed, who knows what he did in there ! I choose Chandler's bed and lie down, still in my gown. I don't get under the covers and I fall asleep almost immediately.

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 **TBC... I swear the next part will be better :)**


	3. Chapter 3 : Inappropriate Thoughts

**I put a lot of efforts in this chapter, I re-read it a lot of times, adding some details, so I hope you'll enjoy reading it :)  
**

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 **Chapter 3 : Inappropriate Thoughts**

I wake up screaming. When I opened my eyes, Chandler was here, sitting on the bed, looking adorably at me. He scared me ! And he's screaming too ! Screaming, I scared him and now we're both catching our breath, a hand on our chest. We look at each other and can't help but laughing. He's the first one to talk : _"I thought you were Sleeping Beauty and since I'm not Prince Charming, I was waiting for you to wake up without a kiss !"_

I laugh. What the hell is he saying ? Me ? Sleeping Beauty ? And why wouldn't he be Prince Charming ? He's very charming... But I don't say anything and just look at him, smiling. He's serious now : _"Did sleeping help you ? Are you feeling a little bit better ?"_ I sit up on the bed, nodding : _"Actually, yes... By the way... I'm sorry for earlier... I was really rude to you. It wasn't your fault you know, you we..."_

He raises his hand, interrupting me : _"Mon. It was my fault. You were feeling bad and I was there bothering you with my stupid questions... I didn't know what to do to help you. I'm sorry I couldn't help you..."_

What ? He passes a hand through his hair, looking down, clearly embarrassed. What did he just say ? Yes, he was bothering me, but that wasn't his fault, that was mine. It was me who wasn't in the right state of mind, not him. And now he's like blaming himself ? God... I want to kiss him. Kiss him gently. At first. And then I'll grab his neck and... Wow ! Where is that coming from ? I probably still have alcohol in my blood. Yeah, that's surely that...

I put a hand on his thigh : _"Chandler, stop ! There is nothing you could have done ! Nothing ! I was feeling bad and I wasn't in the mood to hear you cheering me up. I guess I needed to be alone..."_ First lie.

Chandler smiles weakly and nod. I can see on his face that he knows I'm not telling the truth, but he acts like a great friend would and accepts my answer. Again, he passes his hands through his hair. Gosh, he really need to stop doing that, that makes me want to pass MY hands through his hair... What ? Damn alcohol... Chandler brings me back to reality : _"And why are you sleeping on my bed ? Not that I'm complaining to find a beautiful woman in my bed, but still..."_

I laugh. He can even cheer me up without doing it on purpose... _"Hem... Uh... Well..."_ Find something, Monica ! _"After staying alone for a while, I wanted company. So I came to talk to you and apologize, but you weren't there."_ Second lie. Does he believe me this time ? I can't tell, he's looking at the floor. I continue : _"Joey opened the door and then went to see the other bridesmaid. Your bed seemed cleaner than Joey's one, so... And I eventually fell asleep."_

Still looking down, he whispers : _"Okay... Sorry I wasn't there..."_

Stop saying you're sorry or I'll shut you up by kissing you ! ... Monica ! Again ? Something's not right with him though... _"Chandler, what's going on ?"_

This time, he raises his head, looks me in the eyes and gives me a real smile. That smile... Mmmm... Why the hell do I have butterflies in my stomach ? Kiss me, Chandler. I won't push YOU back. But he doesn't kiss me, he only responds (and probably lie too...) : _"Nothing ! Nothing, Mon... I'm fine now that I know you're feeling better !"_

I pat his knee : _"You're so sweet... What time is it by the way ?"_

He checks his watch. I like his hands. If he'd want to put them on my body, I wouln't say no. I SHOULD STOP THINKING THAT ! _"2 A.M."_ I like his soft voice too. I'd like to hear it closer to my ears, whispering things, and... _"You look tired Mon, we should probably sleep, we have to get up early tomorrow... well, or later today !"_ I'm not tired Chan, I want you. I shook my head to try to chase these thoughts from my mind.

" _Yeah, you're right, I need to go back to sleep, I can barely stay awake."_ Third lie.

He smiles at me (my God, stop doing it ! Don't you see I'm melting inside every time ?) and leans over me. Yes, finally ! He's going to kiss me... But... No... He takes something off from under the covers... His PJ's ? _"I'm going to take a shower and change in the bathroom. You can stay in my bed, I'll sleep in Joey's one."_

" _O-o-okay."_ Can I join you in the shower ? I lay down on the bed, listening to the water running. I imagine Chandler. I imagine Chandler with me in the shower. I grab a pillow and scream in it. This has to stop !

Chandler finally gets out of the bathroom. What is drawn on his PJ's ? Cow boys ? I don't care actually. What I do care is what's underneath is PJ's... I mentally undress him... Chandler doesn't seem to notice that I'm clearly staring at him. _"I know my PJ's are not... "adulty"... I hadn't expected a woman to see me in these."_ Ha, yes, he noticed. I slightly laugh at his joke and Chandler looks concerned : _"Are you gonna be comfortable, sleeping in you gown ?"_ Aaawww, it's so cute from him to think of that... If you want, Chandler, I can take off my gown, and we could... Monica, focus ! _"Well, I don't have anything else here... And I don't wanna go back to my room..."_

He opens his bag : _"That's okay, I'll lend you one of my t-shirt."_ Ooooohhhhh don't do that... It's not good for my mental health... He throws a big blue t-shirt at me : _"Here, take this one !"_ I smile : _"Thanks..."_ and go quickly change in the bathroom. I can't help but sniffing his t-shirt, my eyes closed. I suddenly open my eyes : what am I doing ? Plus, it's a clean t-shirt and it only smells his washing powder. I like the scent, though... Monica, get out of here, he's going to wonder what you're doing.

When I come back in the bedroom, he's under the cover in Joey's bed. He looks up at me, smiling : _"Good night Mon."_ I lay down on Chandler's bed, turning my back to Joey's bed, close my eyes and says : _"Good night Chandler"._

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 **TBC... There are some pretty big chapters coming up :)**


	4. Chapter 4 : Telling The Truth

**I promised you a bigger chapter, here it is ;)**

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 **Chapter 4 : Telling The Truth**

When the alarm clock rings this morning, I wake up with a big headache. I hear Chandler getting up and going to the bathroom, but I keep my eyes closed. What happened yesterday, already ? Oh yeah... This man, me wanting meaningless sex, my very embarrassing request to Joey and my even more embarrassing behaviour with him after that. Oh no, who's entering the bedroom, whistling ? It's Joey ! And now the phone is ringing ! I quickly sit up on the bed, but Joey is faster than me and picks up the phone. I can here Phoebe's voice. Oh no...

Phoebe sounds like she's angry (or concerned ? I only hear her yelling) but Joey stays calm : _"Hey. I spent the night out. I met this cute bridesmaid. She is so..."_ Oh my God, Phoebe is going to think it was me... Thankfully, Joey immediately clarifies the situation : _"Oh no no no, not Monica, the other one !"_ I mouth "Thank you" to him, and he raises his thumb up to me. He talks to Phoebe for a few minutes, then hangs up the phone. He then explains me the Rachel situation and I'm relieved to see there's no awkwardness between us. He acts like nothing happened this night, I should thank him. He gets up and I stop him : _"Hey, Joey ! I really want to thank you for being so understanding..."_

He shrugs his shoulders : _"Nah, that's normal Mon. We're friends ! You drank too much last night, you were sad. That's all."_ I hear a door opening but I don't pay attention to it (I really should have...) and I continue to apologize to Joey : _"Still, I'm sorry for what I did. I really am. I was stupid. I'd appreciate if we keep this between us..."_

" _What did you do ? What's to keep secret ?"_ Chandler's voice. Shoot. He's out of the bathroom. I have my back turned to the bathroom so I don't see him, and I don't turn back. He's going to think less of me. Definitely. Joey is the one who answers, too quickly : _"Nothing man. Don't worry. She... errrm... came here and... she threw up on the floor ! That's why she's sorry ! ... Right Monica ?"_ I can't lie to Chandler. Especially not today after everything he did for me last evening and night. So I turn back to face him, still sitting on the bed and smile weakly at him : _"I'll explain to you. I promise."_ He doesn't say anything but he's clearly uncomfortable... anxious, even ?

We can feel the tension in the room and Joey breaks the silence : _"Well... I'm gonna go... We have Rachel to find, remember ?"_ I nod, and Joey pats Chandler on the shoulder before leaving the bedroom. I don't know where to start, I'm afraid to say the first word. What is he going to think of me ? Of my behaviour ? He'll be disappointed, for sure. He doesn't move either, but he says : _"You can use the bathroom if you want to, I'm done here."_ I only whisper _"Thank you"_ and rush into the bathroom, where I lock the door. I take a shower and get ready, thinking about the words I should use to tell Chandler the truth about yesterday and why I was really in their bedroom. I have to be honest with him, I owe him that. Sure, I could wait until we're back in New-York, but I don't want to think and stress about that during the wedding. I want to enjoy my brother's wedding.

When I come out of the bathroom, Chandler is sitting on his bed, ready too. He's cute in this suit. When he sees me, he smiles : _"You look great."_ I feel myself blushing and I can't even thank him because he immediately adds : _"By the way, Phoebe called and wanted to know if we found Rachel. I had no idea of what she talked about so she explained everything to me. We should better going to search for her..."_ Saying that, he gets up and heads for the door.

I stop him and grab his arm : _"But before !... I owe you an explanation... About what I really did last night... Or almost did..."_

He takes off my hand from his arm and holds it in his : _"You don't have to, Monica. It's none of my business. I shouldn't have been curious earlier. No matter what you did, you..."_

" _I HAVE to tell you."_ Wow, I even had no idea I wanted to tell him so much. But why ?

He sits on the edge of his bed : _"Okay, I'm listening then."_

I'm nervous (obviously...) and I sit beside him. _"Okay... Um... First..."_ I'm looking for my words, looking at my feet. Not a good start... _"Remember how depressed I was last evening ? With my mom, the drunk man..."_ I don't look at him but I'm sure he nods. _"I wanted to forget everything. You were the sweetest guy on earth and you told me everything I would have loved to hear at any other time... but yesterday that's not what I needed. I wasn't myself. I'm really not proud of what I did... almost did..."_

He interrupts me : _"Look Mon, I think I know where this is going. And I'm not sure I want to hear that you wanted to have sex with Joey to feel better."_

I'm shocked. How does he know ? How ? Is it written all over my face ? Plus, he's not totally right. That's not what I originally wanted. I'm so stunned that there's a silence. I guess he thinks he's right and he sighs, then gets up. Finally I can talk again : _"No, Chandler, wait ! That's not right !"_

For the first time since the beginning of this conversation we watch each other into the eyes. I don't like what I see in his : hurt and pain. I so wanna hug him, but I'm not sure he would let me... _"I know you're very disappointed. You have every right to think less of me. I'm definitely not proud of me."_

He runs his right hand through his hair and suddenly I feel the same goosebumps in my body like yesterday. I though it was the alcohol... Or maybe I'm just too anxious. He's one of my best friend. _"I don't think less of you. When you're sad or depressed, you often do things you regret afterwards. I know that too well."_ Shoot, there's pain in his voice too. What have I done ?

I get up to face him : _"Chandler, I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you. It has nothing to do with what you said or did yesterday. You were a great friend, you were perfect, it's not..."_

" _Yet you wanted to sleep with Joey !"_ Okay, now he's angry.

" _I just wanted sex, okay ?! I didn't want Joey ! I could have picked any other guy..."_

" _Yet you didn't pick me !"_

Now we're arguing. Great.

" _You weren't even there !"_ I don't know why I say that, he was never an option in my head... well, before I woke up in the middle of the night with him looking at me and those weird feelings and thoughts afterwards.

There's a blank, he looks me in the eyes and quietly says : _"It wouldn't have changed a thing if I would have been there. I know it. You know it."_

If I kiss him right now, would he forgive me ? What ? Why are you thinking that again, Monica ?

" _Chandler... I wasn't myself... But nothing happened with Joey."_

" _Yes, I'm sure he stopped it."_ Still this bitterness in his voice.

" _Actually I did."_

Ah, he's surprised. Finally. I'm taking this opportunity to carry on : _"I couldn't do it. I was surprised myself because I thought I wanted that. Meaningless sex, no strings attached. It turns out my mind was really screwed but my heart and my body weren't. Joey was onboard with it. I had to convince him, yes, but he was okay. I told him to try twice. Both times I backed off, I pushed him away. I really didn't want to kiss him and I was uncomfortable in his arms. Happy ?"_

Okay, I shouldn't have added the "happy ?" but he was hard on me too. Maybe I deserved it, but still. He still looks at me suspiciously, it seems he's trying to understand everything. I cross my arms. _"That's the truth, Chandler. You can ask Joey."_

" _I-I-... I believe you."_

" _Good."_ I still have my arms crossed and I don't know what I should do. Oh, I know what I would want to do... I have to chase these thoughts of my mind... He comes closer to me and pulls me into a hug. It feels so good. I hear his soft voice in my ear : _"I'm sorry I was mean to you..."_

" _It's okay. I deserved it. And I'm really really glad I couldn't do it last night. I would have regretted this so badly..."_

He slowly stops the hug and laughs : _"Regretted sex with Joey ? Nah..."_

I smile and punch him playfully in the arm : _"You know what I mean !"_

He smiles at me and kiss my forehead, then says : _"I do..."_

I'm nervous again when I ask : _"So... we're good ?"_

He keeps smiling and I get lost in his eyes when he confirms : _"Yeah, we're good."_

He scrapes his throat and reminds me that we have to find Rachel.

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 **TBC...**

 **I preferred Chandler to know the truth immediately rather than later like it was in the show... It was painful for poor Chandler but now it's over. Don't worry Monica will take time to think about everything...**


	5. Chapter 5 : A Revelation

**Again, thank you very much everyone for your reviews, it helps me to keep writing :)**

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 **Chapter 5 : A Revelation**

The next time I see Chandler is when we have to walk down the aisle. When I arrive, he's talking to Joey. I was expecting to feel anxious, being with the two of them, but I'm relieved to constate that everything is perfectly normal. Except the glances I can't stop to shoot at Chandler. He's really cute, all dressed up. It's our turn : he offers me his arm and I take it, smiling to him. Walking down the aisle with him is... quite a strange feeling. I hold firmly his arm and suddenly I feel like I'm the one getting married. To Chandler. I quickly shook my head to get rid of that thought. Finding Chandler cute is one thing – and it's not new to me, it happened numerous times – but seeing me marrying him ? Come on Monica, if Chandler knew, he'd run away screaming. Or would he ?

I then concentrate on the wedding, and the fact that my brother says Rachel's name at the altar... When I go to my hotel room to rest a bit, Rachel is there and I stay to talk to her. I don't have much time to think about last night, Chandler, what went through my mind and what I felt in my body. I need to organize my thoughts though.

This night, the last one in London, I think about Ross and Rachel. Friends who became lovers. And look how it ended... But with Chandler it's different. We're way much alike. We have a strong connection. We already understand each other. Ross always had this crush on Rachel, whereas she didn't feel anything for him for a long time. Chandler and I are on equal footing. Why the hell do I even balance the pros and the cons ? By the way, I don't find cons.

These feelings will pass, right ? I mean, it's probably just the result of last night. First I wanted to have meaningless sex with one close friend, and now I want a serious relationship with the other one. It's just me being crazy, and sad. I probably just don't know what I want. That'll pass, yeah. Even that thing I feel in my stomach when I think about Chandler ? Yes, Monica. In New-York, everything will be back to normal.

 **###**

The next morning I'm at the airport with Joey and Chandler. We all talk about Ross, Emily and Rachel. Joey is sure that Emily will show up at the airport to go on the honeymoon with Ross because _"they're married, right ? She HAS to ! It's the law !"_ Chandler and I look at each other and I chuckle when I see the look of despair on his face. _"Why do you think he said Rachel at the altar ?"_ , I ask the boys. Again, Joey is the first one to speak : _"Because she's hotter !"_ Thank you for your opinion, Joey... Chandler shooks his head, still desperate by his friend, then he answers : _"He'll always have feelings for her. I'm sure he pictured himself marrying her a thousand of times. With Emily, it all went really quickly. Maybe_ _subconsciously he wasn't prepared to marry someone else than Rachel yet..."_ He has an interesting point of view. After all, he was – by far – the first one to know about Ross's feelings.

We get on the plane and I'm sit next to Chandler. We talk about Ross and Rachel and I love hearing what he has to say, talking to me about young Ross in love, his attempts to seduce Rachel, then his marriage to Carol, the first year in New-York with Rachel in my apartment... I lose track of time and remember why I love talking with him : he can talk about serious stuff and be insightful, but making me laugh at the same time. We have a real conversation : he listens to me and understands me. Plus, I'm sure he doesn't talk like that with anyone else than me and that makes me proud. We have a special bond.

We land, take a cab and go back to the apartment. The guys say hello to Phoebe and go to their place to unpack. As soon as they left and the door is closed, Phoebe asks me : _"What happened ? You seemed decided to do it with... you know who !"_ I sigh... I should have thought about it... Of course Phoebe would remember and be asking questions... To be honest, I almost totally forgot about what I almost did with Joey. Between what happened during the wedding – and after –, my long and nice conversation with Chandler on the plane, and my weird thoughts and feelings, Joey totally went out of my mind. I decide to be honest with her, without revealing any detail : _"I just couldn't do it. I was decided when we talked on the phone, but after all I was mainly sad and depressed. I realised that before doing anything."_

Phoebe is clearly relieved and sits down on the couch : _"Oh thank God, I was afraid there was gonna be another drama and uncomfortable situation."_ I reassure her and go unpack in my room. In my suitcase, the first thing on the top is my red dress from the wedding. I have a flashback of Chandler sitting on his bed and telling me I look great in it. With his adorable smile. Why the hell is he everywhere in my mind ? I put the dress in the laundry basket and then see in the suitcase the gown I was wearing at the rehearsal dinner. And I hear Chandler's words. _"Who wouldn't want you ?" "You're beautiful."_ I freeze. Would HE want me ?

All of a sudden, I remember him at the beach, a year ago. He was really insistent. He really wanted to persuade me he could be boyfriend material. Why ? And I laughed to his face ?! Why, Monica, why ? I'm not laughing anymore... He's definitely boyfriend material. He proved it to me by being so sweet in London. He's proved it before. The way he wanted to please Kathy, even when he was not already his boyfriend.

It's like I opened a door in my mind and found a room with every memories I have of Chandler. It's like I suddenly understood something. It's a revelation. Chandler is not only a great friend who makes me laugh, he's also a great man, with a big heart. He's smart and loyal. Behind all the jokes, he's vulnerable and I want to make him feel loved, make him realise he's better than he thinks. He's the one who did everything for me in London, not expecting anything in return. And what did I do for him ? Nothing ! On the contrary, I hurt him by avoiding his company... to want to have sex with his best friend. And I think I hurt him even more when I explained everything to him and he understood he wasn't the one I wanted to sleep with.

Why was he walking in the streets of London by night ? Was it my fault ? Was it because I was rude to him when he tried so hard to console me ? I have to know... I leave my bedroom quickly, to the surprise of Phoebe who's resting on the couch : _"Hey, where are you going so fast ?"_ Shoot, I forgot about her... _"I-uhm... I..."_ Oh and what the hell, I still can do whatever I want ! _"I have to talk to Chandler about Ross."_ Phoebe nods. Well, she certainly doesn't suspect a thing, I shouldn't be worried.

I open the door of the guy's apartment and everything is quiet. Both bedroom doors are open. I'm suddenly nervous.

* * *

 **TBC...**

 **A little cliffhanger** **:) Next chapter is going to be a big one ! I'm working on it...  
**


	6. Chapter 6 : A Proposition

**You'll notice there are some lines from the show, I hope it's OK, I wanted to keep the context from that time (Phoebe and the babies for instance).**

* * *

 **Chapter 6 : A Proposition**

I first go to see in Joey's bedroom, but he's not there and I'm relieved. I want to be alone with Chandler. I then go to Chandler's bedroom. He's there, knelt down in front of his suitcase. He didn't seem to hear me entering the apartment, he looks concentrate on his task. He's so cute. Maybe I should stop daydreaming and I should speak... : _"Hey !"_

He jumps while saying : _"Whhhaaaaaaa..."_ I laugh. I scared him. Again. _"You scared me, Mon... Do you need anything ?"_

" _Umm, yeah... Actually... I wanted to ask you something... About the other night..."_

Chandler sits down on the floor and I do the same. I can see he's uneasy because he pretends to concentrate on his suitcase and what's inside. I take a deep breath and start : _"You don't have to tell me or anything... I was just curious. Because... Well... I wasn't really nice to you, and the next thing I know about you is that you're out in the streets of London by night... So... I'm feeling guilty I guess."_

I'm waiting for him to give me one of his gorgeous smiles, but he doesn't. He only says abruptly : _"Don't. Walking alone helped me."_ I understand. I should have done that instead of wanting to do something stupid. Still, I'd like to know why he was so upset, so I open my mouth, but at the same time Chandler adds : _"If you're okay with that, I would rather not talk about this night again..."_ I'm a bit surprised, because it is me who should be embarrassed, but I feel it's not a good time to talk about it. I get up, ready to leave : _"Sure, no problem."_ I stop at the door and bit my lower lip. Even if he wants to forget this night, he deserves a proper thanks and I didn't give him yet. I turn away and go back next to Chandler. I pass one arm around his shoulders and kiss him firmly on the cheek. He doesn't move, his eyes are still staring blankly at his suitcase. _"Thank you for everything. I would have been very lonely without you there."_ Since he's still not reacting, I leave. That's it. This night is in the past. Now I can move on and pretend nothing ever happened.

 **###**

It's been two weeks since London and a lot happened : Rachel came back from Greece really upset and now we're at the hospital because Phoebe is having the triplets. I'm sitting next to Joey on a chair and Chandler is on the phone over there. Rachel is arriving, smiling : _"Monica? You're gonna be very proud of me. I just got us dates with two unbelievably cute nurses."_ I freeze. I don't wanna date anyone. Anyone else than... No, that's just stupid. Two weeks that I think about it, about him, two weeks that I can't get HIM out of my head. How come ? Instinctively my eyes fall on Chandler on the phone. _"Uuumm... I'm not... I don't... I'm not interested."_ Rachel doesn't understand (how can I blame her ? I'm not sure I fully understand myself) : _"What? What are you talking about?! You-you're the one who's been telling me to get over Ross and move on. I'm moving on, and you're moving on with me. Come on, give me one good reason why you don't wanna go."_ My mind goes blank. Shoot. Rachel wins : _"Okay, you're coming with me..."_

She then leaves and I stay with Joey. He looks at me, quite puzzled : _"You look upset... You don't want to date a cute nurse ?"_ I look at him. Could he keep a secret ? Could he understand ? Wouldn't he think that I'm still the crazy girl who wanted to have sex with him, only to push him back twice one minute after... I can't tell him. He's not the one I should talk to. _"I just have a lot on my mind lately, I don't want to date anyone..."_ Not quite true.

Chandler comes back and Joey says : _"Hey dude ! Did you know there were male nurses ?"_ I'm afraid Joey is going to spill the beans about the date I'm supposed to have with one of them, but apparently he already forgot. Good. I have to talk to Chandler, alone. The only way to understand better my feelings is to spend more time alone with him, maybe even try to go on a date with him and see if it's not weird. Yes, I, Monica Geller, see myself dating Chandler Bing. Saying that sentence in my head sends shiver down my spine. Am I sure of what I'm about to do ? And what if it doesn't work out ? What if it's weird between us ?

Phoebe has had his brother's babies (how weird is that sentence ?) and I'm now alone, thinking. How on earth can I ask Chandler on a date ? I want to, definitely, but how do you announce a big thing like that to one of your closest friends ? And how getting out of this date thing with the nurse ? I needed to find a quiet place, so I'm sitting on an empty stretcher in a hallway. I hadn't expected Chandler to come here. He seems surprised too : _"Hey Mon ! What are you doing here ?"_

" _Mmmm, just thinking..."_ Am I ready to talk to him ?

" _Ah. A bit sad of being in the maternity of this hospital, again ?"_ Oh, he remembers how depressed I was when Ben was born. Unbelievable. Why does he remember ? So sweet of him. But this time I'm not sad or depressed. Just anxious to ask an important question to one of my best friend. A question that could change our relationship.

" _Oh... No. It's not that at all. Come. Sit next to me."_

He obeys, visibly curious. I start by the easiest part : _"Rachel got me a date for Saturday night. Except I didn't ask for it and I don't wanna go. I couldn't find a good reason to say no..."_

He interrupts me : _"Ha ! You want me to give you a good reason ?"_

It's my turn to be curious : _"Do you have a good reason ?"_

He shrugs his shoulders : _"On the top of my head... Say you already have a date. Who cares if it's not true ? You go to see a movie alone and when you come back you'll say it went badly and she won't even have to know it was a lie."_

Good idea. I could even have a real date. With him. How to say that to him without freaking him out ? I agree : _"I like it. But I don't like lying too much to Rachel. It has to have a part of truth. I could tell her that I already have a date with a guy from the restaurant, but go on a date with someone else... you, for instance"_ , I try to say casually.

He quickly turns his head and I can read stupefaction on his face : _"What ?"_

I can't tell him what I feel, I can't. I have to be sure. I can't hurt him. I remain casual (I'm good !) : _"Are you free Saturday night ?"_

He's looking at me with his eyes wide open. He's not scared at all, but I can see he thinks I've lost my mind. I have to convince him I'm sincere : _"Don't worry I'm not messing with you. I've been thinking a lot lately. Remember last year at the beach ? I regret laughing to your face. So... if you're not doing anything, I'd like to go dinner with you. Or going to the movies, or see a game, what you want."_

He's perplexed and shakes his head : _"Mon... I don't want your pity. Neither do I want to serve as an excuse for you to avoid a date with..."_

Oh my God he thinks I only do that to please him, or worse, that I use him. I cut him : _"It's not about that ! I wanted to talk to you for a while now but couldn't find the courage. And it's definitly not by pity !"_

He doesn't believe me. I can see it in his eyes. I hadn't considered that option. That he wouldn't want to go on a date with me because it would be weird, yes, I thought about that. But because he would doubt of me ? That hadn't crossed my mind. I thought he had trust in me. Maybe he had before that night in London. Maybe not anymore.

" _Look Mon, I appreciate, really. I know you're feeling bad about London, but you don't have to do this."_

He doesn't understand. He now thinks I'm doing that because I let him down in London. It has nothing to do with that ! Why are we both so complicated ?

I get up and face him : _"Chandler, look at me."_ He slowly raises his head and looks me in the eyes. _"I swear it has nothing to do with THAT night. I don't feel guilty anymore ! I wanted to do something stupid and thankfully I didn't do it. Can we forget about it ?"_ I notice my voice got higher, so I tone down : _"What I'm saying to you right now, is that during the year I felt closer and closer to you. Lately, I've felt... some... other things... that I'm not sure enough about to talk to you for now. That's why I want this date. I want... I want... I'm asking you for a chance."_

Chandler is stunned. After like five lenghty seconds, he finally speaks, pointing his finger at me : _"Y-Y-Y-You ? Monica ? You're asking ME, Chandler, for a chance ? Are you seriously asking me on a date ?"_

He's so cute I want to smile, but I press my lips because knowing him so well, he could think all of this is just a prank. I take a deep breath : _"Yes, I am."_

" _Are you kidding me ?"_ Why is he so suspicious ?

" _I'm not. And I think it's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. You're hard to convince. No wonder you're single if every woman has to beg you to go on a date with you..."_

Finally the corner of his lips starts to form a smile. I want to kiss him... But it's not the time nor the place. He says almost in a whisper : _"I'm free Saturday night."_

I roll my eyes ironically : _"Good. Because I asked you that question about ten minutes ago."_ He laughs. Good sign.

I add : _"I think Rachel's date comes to pick her up at 7. Maybe you could come at 7.30, so I'll be alone."_

His smiles grows bigger : _"Perfect."_

I pat him on the knee and kiss his cheek. I then go to tell the male nurse that I already have a date, and I hear a noise behind me. I know what Chandler is doing, so I tell him, without looking : _"Don't do the dance !"_

" _Right !"_ I hear, and smile. I know him so well.

* * *

 **TBC...**

 **I'm working on next chapter and I think it's gonna be a long one too. Be prepared for a lot of Mondler cuteness :)**


	7. Chapter 7 : The Date (part 1)

**Here is another big and important chapter :) So big I had to cut it in two parts since it was taking me too much time and pages.**

* * *

 **Chapter 7 : The Date (part 1)**

" _What ? You said no to Dan ? What's wrong with you, Monica ?"_ Rachel is not happy when I tell her that I'm not going to the restaurant with them. _"I already have a date, okay ?!"_ I defend myself. Rachel is – of course – really surprised : " _What ? Who is he ?"_

I prepared myself for that question, I have everything under control : _"He's a guy from work. Our new waiter, Chad."_ I picked a name close to "Chandler", in case if in the future I make a mistake... Yes, I'm thinking about the future because, let's face it, I don't plan to stop dating Chandler after this night. I'm already addicted to him. Addicted to his smile, to his eyes, to his voice, to... Okay stop Monica, Rachel is looking at you. I carry on : _"We have to meet at the theatre at 8."_ This way, she won't insist to stay and meet him.

" _You should have told me back then, Mon ! But I'm so happy for you !"_ Rachel hugs me when I say the truth : _"Well, I wasn't sure to go on a date with Chad that night, so..."_

 **###**

I don't see much of Chandler the days before Saturday, it's like he's avoiding me. Not in a bad way, because seeing the knowing glances he gave me every time we were in the same room, I'd say he's not avoiding me because he's uncomfortable, but rather because he wants to put a distance between us, so that night can be even more special. I can't wait...

 **###**

Saturday is here, it's 6 PM and Rachel and I are trying different dresses. I'm nervous knowing that, just the other side of the hallway, Chandler is also getting ready for our date. I wonder where we're going to go.

At 7.05, we hear a knock on the door. It's Rachel's date, she introduces me, we have a small talk and they soon leave. Now I'm alone, and I have to wait 20 minutes for Chandler to come. Alone with my thoughts, I'm more and more nervous : I'm going to be sweating when Chandler will arrive... Just a minute later, I hear another knock on the door. Did Rachel forget something ?

I open the door and see Chandler. So handsome. He's in a black suit with a white shirt underneath, and he's got a rose in his right hand. But the only thing I see is his smile and his blue eyes. I'm melting and I can't even say "hi", I only smile ridiculously. Chandler notices my surprise and explains : _"Oh, I heard Rachel and his date leaving and I thought that, well, you were ready too and... I was ready... So..."_

I gulp, he's so cute when he rambles like that, shyly. I give him my best smile : _"That's perfect ! Let's go !"_ Though I said we should go, we both don't move and stay smiling at each other. Chandler is the first one to react physically, handing me the single rose : _"Oh, by the way, this is for you. I know I know : only one rose ? But, see, it's our first date, so it's the first rose I'm giving you. When we'll have our one hundred date, you'll have a big bouquet of 100 roses, I promise."_

Does he want to make me cry and ruin my make-up already ? I'm discovering a new Chandler, a romantic one. He continues : _"I hope you still like it even if there's only one."_

Or, we could skip the date and stay here, starting in the bedroom... No no no Monica, don't rush things... I say : _"With what you said ? You bet I like it ! I love it ! I'm going to put the rose in the water and I come back."_

I leave the door open and he passes his head in the apartment. _"So... That's where you live, uh ? Nice, I like the purple walls."_ I turn around and laugh. He acts surprised and confused : _"What ? What did I say ?"_ Oh, I get him... He wants to pretend we don't know each other... That'll be hard, but I can try. _"Thanks. I'm living here with my roomate."_

He frowns : _"A girl roomate I hope ?"_ Again, I laugh. I have to stop, or I'm going to spend the evening laughing stupidly at every single thing he says. That's amazing the effect that this man has on me. How come I never noticed until a few weeks ago ? Answer his question, Monica, he's looking at you : _"Yes, a girl, Rachel."_

He nods and offers me his arm : _"Shall we ?"_ Such a gentleman. I take his arm and close the door. _"So... where are you taking me ?"_

" _Tatatatata ! It's a surprise miss Geller…"_ And to my surprise, we don't go down the stairs, but up. While we climb the stairs, he explains : _"I wanted something... intimate. I want to learn to know you, and I think the best way to do that is to be only the two of us, don't you agree ?"_ I agree with him. I like that. Every places I had in mind when I wondered where he would take me, there were a lot of people. Restaurant, movie, game, theatre... I would never have thought he could take me on the roof of our building. I look at him admiratively because he succeeded in surprising me, and that was hard because we know each other so well. And he still have surprises in store...

When we arrive in front of the door of the roof, he knocks. I look at him, puzzled, and he winks at me. A man dressed up like a waiter opens the door : _"Yes, can I help you ?"_

I'm speechless. Chandler doesn't hesitate : _"We have a reservation for two. Chandler Bing."_ The "man/waiter" nods in agreement : _"Certainly Sir, please follow me."_ Who the hell is this guy ? Where did he find him ?

My eyes grow even bigger when I see the roof : there's a single table in the center, with two candles. On the floor, there are a lot of petals of roses and candles are organized so it makes a way to lead to the table. I'm so stunned I stop walking. _"Chandler..."_ I can't find my words, that's too beautiful. Why putting so much effort in this date ? I'm the one who has feelings, I'm the one who has to convince him to take me as his girlfriend... Right ? Or... ? What if he... ? Since when does he... ?

Chandler has an innocent look on his face : _"What ? Don't tell me you've never been to that restaurant before ?!"_

I look into his beautiful blue eyes, searching for answers. _"Chandler, why did you..."_ but he cuts me off : _"Come on, let's eat"_. Okay, he doesn't want to talk about it now. But I won't let it go. He takes my hand in his and that feels so... normal. I don't say anything and I follow him to the table. Are we really going to eat ? There are no plates, but I see cutlery, glasses and champagne on ice. He pulls the chair for me and I sit down. A second later, he's sitting in front of me, asking : _"What do you want to eat ?"_

I'm confused : _"What ? They have a menu or something ?"_

Chandler doesn't smile and answers with a verious serious face : _"Oh no. You order what you want to eat and Gary will bring it to you."_

I look at the man/waiter/Gary waiting a few meters away from us and lean over the table to ask to Chandler : _"Is Gary a magician or what ?"_

Chandler remains mysterious : _"Order what you want and we'll see if he is..."_

" _Um... Okay... I'll have... Lasagna ?"_ I ask, because I don't know if it's the right answer. How on earth could he know what I'd order ? And where's the food ?

Chandler raises one eyebrow : _"Is that a question ? Order, Monica, don't be afraid..."_

He seems so sure of him. How can he not be nervous ? Where's the Chandler I know ? Insecure, anxious... _"Um, I... A plate of lasagna, please."_

Chandler still doesn't smile (am I punished tonight ?) and snaps his fingers. Gary comes closer and Chandler says : _"A plate of lasagna for the lady, and one of macaroni and cheese for me, please."_ I'm amazed and I'm almost expecting Gary to make the plates magically appear on the table. But no, Gary opens the door of the roof and disappears in the building.

" _Where is he going ?"_ I ask Chandler, who pretends to be confused (I can see in his eyes he's having fun...) : _"In the kitchen, of course. Looking for the food. I thought you were a chef ?"_

I shook my head, smiling at him. Unbelievable. I was expecting to spend a nice evening with one of my best friend, chatting, flirting, talking about what was happening around us. But this ? It's totally unexpected. _"Champagne ?"_ he asks, taking the bottle. I nod and wonder when is he going to smile to me. I've given him plenty of smiles and laughs ! And I ? I only got one when I opened the door of my apartment. Not fair.

He fills up my glass, then his. We raise our own glass and before clinking it he says, looking me deeply into the eyes : _"To our date."_ I repeat : _"To our date."_

I drink, but he doesn't. I see him putting his glass down on the table and looking at it nervously. Maybe he's tired of playing the "we-don't-know-each-other" game. I know I'm starting to be, mainly because I'd love to see his smile and his eyes brightening. I break the silence : _"Who's Gary ?"_ He vaguely smiles looking at his glass (meh, better than nothing) : _"Ha ! He's... um... a colleague from work. He needs extra money, so..."_ , he stops talking and shrugs his shoulders.

He then passes is left hand through his hair and I note that the effect on me is still the same : I have butterflies all over my stomach and I want to pass my hands in his hair. He seems embarrassed : _"Gosh... I'm sorry Mon, I thought I'll be able to do this all night..."_

I understand and I laugh, he's so cute... _"Don't worry Chandler ! It's perfect ! And I wanted a date with you, not your unsmiling twin !"_

Ha ha ! He smiles ! Finally ! I'm so happy ! And he's a bit unsecure, good, I have my Chandler back. _"Really ?"_

I put my hand on his, on the table. _"Yes, Chandler, really. I mean... Look at what you did there ! It's amazing ! I'm... I have no words ! I would_ _ **never**_ _have expected something like that."_

He nervously manipulate his fork with the other hand : _"You know... If I would have invited you to a restaurant, or see a play, or I don't know what, it would have been so common. We already know each other so well, we already shared a lot of secrets, we spend so much time together..."_

I swallow hard. He's right. It wouldn't have been THAT amazing. He takes a deep breath and continues : _"So I looked for a way to surprise you. REALLY surprise you. Not surprise you like "oh-you're-sweet-it's-my-favorite-restaurant-I-spent-a-nice-evening"... Surprise you like "OH-MY-GOD-WHAT'S-HAPPENING ?!""_

I can't help but laughing. _"Well, you definitely succeeded. And I have a lot of questions about it ! Starting by : where the hell is the food ?"_

It's his turn to laugh : _"In my apartment. Gary told me his wife is a good cook. I hope he's right though..."_ and he crosses his fingers. He adds : _"Don't worry about the time it'll take, I already warned her that you'd probably eat lasagna, so that won't take long."_

I can't believe it. I so want him to be my boyfriend. Who would have thought, a year ago ? He's the best, seriously. It reminds me that I am the one who asked him out. I should have been the one to make all the efforts. And I'm sitting here, watching him doing everything for me. Like in London.

I stroke the back of his hand and ask him seriously : _"Chandler... Why... ?"_

" _Because I know you like to eat lasagna."_

" _Chandler..."_

He sighs and I see him biting is tongue, it's like he doesn't want to tell me the honest answer.

" _Because I have feelings for you for a very long time."_

* * *

 **TBC...**

 **I thought about different kind of dates these two could have, and finally chose this one because we never saw a date like this in the show and because I wanted to have them alone. I hope you enjoyed reading it :)  
**


	8. Chapter 8 : The Date (part 2)

**Next part of the date is here ! I intend to continue the story until everybody finds out about them so it could take some more chapters...**

* * *

 **Chapter 8 : The Date (part 2)**

I was expecting him to say : _"Because I have feelings for you"_ , of course. I mean, why doing that, otherwise ? I just needed to hear it from him to be sure. But the _"for a very long time"_ part shocks me. What's a very long time ? Three months ? Six months ? A year ? Two years ? More ?

He studies my face and says : _"Forget it. No big deal."_

I almost yell : _"F-f-f-f-f-Forget ? I can't ! For how long ?"_

He's uneasy and fidgets on his chair : _"I don't know exactly. It came with the time you know..."_

I nod : _"I know. It was like that for me too. But I realised everything in London. When did you ?"_

He seems reassured by my little confidence and admits : _"You were always my favorite girl. Even when I was dating someone else, you always were the girl I was the most comfortable with. The girl I wanted to have fun with and spend time with. That's why I proposed you twice to be your boyfriend, when Ben was born and at the beach. It was always on the back of my head. What if... ? I wasn't thinking about it seriously though, and it wasn't constantly on my mind... until last year."_

The beach. I briefly close my eyes in anticipation. I'm not gonna like what he's about to say, because I know now how much I hurt him then. _"When you laughed... So loud... It's like... Like I understood it could NEVER happen. And suddenly I became obssessed by it. The strong feelings started there. Or maybe they started before but I was holding them back, I don't know. I realised at the beach that these weren't friendly feelings. They were more."_

I can only whisper : _"Wow.."_ I had no idea. When I wanted him, in the middle of that night in London, I assumed it was the alcohol, but I never thought Chandler felt these things. I thought he was just being a good friend. Then, when my feelings wouldn't pass, I was afraid he would turn me down. And when I finally understand that we both have feelings for each other, I learn he hid his feelings for so long. I want to hug him tight. I want to kiss him hard. But I hear a noise and I see Gary coming back with the food. He puts the plates down in front of us and Chandler thanks him : _"Thank you Gary. I'll call you when we'll need you."_ Gary doesn't answer and disappears.

" _Your turn"_ , says Chandler, pointing at me with his left hand. My turn ? My turn to do what ? I don't react and still look at him in disbelief. He tries to change the subject of the conversation : _"You know, it's gonna be cold."_ I'm not hungry. But... I have to eat, I guess. I start eating, and I notice Chandler was waiting for me to start eating his dish too. Such a gentleman, again. We start eating in silence and after a few minutes Chandler says again : _"I still haven't forgotten it's your turn."_

I'll need some help : _"My turn tooooooooooo... ?"_

He smiles at me and under the table I feel his foot against mine : _"Come on, Mon. I opened my heart to you and feel now really stupid. You know I usually don't do that kind of stuff. So it's your turn to tell me why you wanted that date so badly."_

That's not going to be an easy task... Where should I start ? _"I know you don't want to hear about that night in London, but it's my start. Because after I turned down Joey – Yes I did..."_ I add seeing his dubious face. _"... after that, I only wanted you. Not Rachel, not Phoebe, not Ross, definitely not Joey. You. In a very explicit way, if you know what I mean..."_ He raises an eyebrow, he knows what I mean and it startles him. I take a bit of my lasagna and carry on, not looking directly at him : _"I was very puzzled at first, I was wondering where that came from. I slowly understood. It's you. You're very smart. I love talking to you. You always know how to cheer me up. I'm very at ease with you. You're really handsome too."_ My eyes meet his for my conclusion : _"So... Intelligent, sweet, funny, caring, and an outstanding smile. You are the one I didn't even know I was looking for. You are everything I want."_

I smile at him but he doesn't. He looks away and slowly reaches for his glass and takes a sip of campagne. Shoot. Have I scared him ? He looks at my plate and sees it's empty : _"Do you want a dessert ?"_ Changing the subject when it's too delicate, Chandler's speciality. I see he's very moved, and his voice's shaking. I look at him curiously : _"A real dessert, or... ?"_ He laughs : _"Yes, a real dessert."_

I don't know what to answer... I'd like to say no, but I think about Gary and his wife, who are probably waiting for us to call them back : _"I'm not really hungry... I guess I would like a piece of a chocolate cake, but not too much..."_

Chandler already has a bell in his hand : _"We can share one."_

I agree, he shakes his bell and Gary arrives. I assume the poor guy was waiting behind the door. Five minutes later we have a piece of a chocolate cake in front of us. Chandler sent Gary and his wife home, thanking them and saying that we won't be needing them anymore.

Looking at the cake and the two spoons I smile _: "You knew I would want that cake too..."_

" _Kinda..."_ Chandler admits. _"And if not, don't worry, Joey would have been happy to eat it !"_

We eat the cake, not saying one single thing but flirting with the eyes. At one point, Chandler drops his spoon on the ground, clearly on purpose. _"Oh no, Monica, look what I've done ! You'll have to lend me your spoon..."_

I play with him, taking a bite : _"Or... I finish the cake by myself !"_

Seeing the fake hurt on his face, I laugh and hand him my spoon. He takes it and I find incredibly sexy the fact that he's now licking the same spoon that I did lick. He's handing me the spoon back : _"Here. Have the last part."_ I finish the cake and lick the spoon, looking him in the eyes. He's staring at me and I see desire in his eyes. Ironically, the same desire I would have wanted to see in a man's eyes in London. This look. This look, EXACTLY. Not the same that Joey had, not excitement. This look of desire is the one I needed. That feeling and that thought send a shiver down my spine.

As soon as I put the spoon down on the table, Chandler gets up and holds out his hand to me. I take it and get up. We're face to face, this is it... We're going to kiss... But... What... ? With the other hand, he takes something off of his pocket. What's this ? A remote control ? He presses a button and I hear the first notes of "The Way You Look Tonight". I look around, surprised (again !), and notice a CD player.

" _Care to dance ?"_ he asks, and doesn't even wait for my answer, placing his free hand on my waist. We slowly dance in this position for like the first half of the song and some of the lyrics are suddenly so real.

 _I will feel a glow just thinking of you_

 _You're lovely, with your smile so warm_

 _That laugh that wrinkles your nose, it touches my foolish heart_

Towards the end of the song, I feel the need to be physically closer to him, so I put my both arms behind his neck and move closer. He immediately places his other hand on the other side of my waist and puts his forehead against mine. It feels so good. He's making circles on my waist with his thumbs and I squeeze his shoulders. I wish we could spend all night like this, but I hear the final notes of the song. Soon, everything is quiet, but we continue to sway a bit. He's the one to stop the dance and our position, kissing me on the forehead. The next second, we're looking into each other's eyes.

My heart rate is accelerating when I feel Chandler's hands moving to my back. In reaction, my hands leave his shoulders and slip behind his neck. My mouth is suddenly dry and I realise I'm going to kiss Chandler. Chandler. My friend, Chandler. I try to think it's weird, it's like I'm testing myself one last time. It's not weird, it's awesome. It's more : "Finally, it's happening !" Happy to feel this way, I make the first move, by tilting my head and lightly opening my mouth. He got it. He tilts his head the other way and I feel his breath near my mouth. The next second, his lips are on mine. It's a very soft kiss, and I need to kiss him harder, I want it for so long... One of my hand goes in his hair and I moan against his lips : running a hand through his hair, I soooooo wanted that. It's better than I imagined, he cut his hair since London but I don't care. He continues to move his lips against mine, still slowly, softly. I decide to go faster, deeper... I slip my tongue through his lips and I feel he's surprised. He quickly recovers and I feel his tongue. I have electricity all over my body. That's so good...

Then we slow and end the kiss like we started it, softly. Catching his breath, he articulates : _"Wow, what a first kiss..."_

I'm stroking his short hair in his neck : _"Yeah... You're a really good kisser !"_

" _Well, I've kissed over four women !"_ he responds proudly. I laugh and pulls him into a hug. I have my nose against his shoulder and I take a big inspiration. He smells so good. I'm so comfortable into his arms, I feel safe and loved.

He then gives me a quick peck on the lips and explains : _"Not that I want to, but we should better blow out the candles and leave the roof, because I promised Trigger my "little party" would be over by midnight. And it's 11.45, soooooo..."_

Oh my, he even asked Trigger for a permission ? And Trigger said yes ?

I take a last look at this wonderful scene and we have fun blowing out the candles together.

" _1... 2... 3... ! Ha ! I won ! I blew it first !"_

" _No you didn't ! I'm the fastest ! You'll see with this candle. Ready ? 1... 2... 3..."_

We're like two kids knelt on the ground.

* * *

 **TBC...**


	9. Chapter 9 : Lying To Rachel

**A shorter chapter this time, but it was a pleasure writing it, with Rachel in the mix.**

 **Someone asked me if Kathy was still in Chandler's life : the answer is no since we're in season 5, but maybe you just gave me an idea haha thanks :p**

* * *

 **Chapter 9 : Lying To Rachel**

We blew out all the candles, we put the table and the chairs away, and I'm sad to think that our evening, our first date, is over. Rachel is probably at home, waiting for me, and I'm suddenly wondering if Chandler told Joey about his date. I ask him and he answers : _"Oh no, I wanted it to be a secret between the two of us. Plus, he has a date tonight, he told me he won't be back at the apartment before tomorrow morning."_ So Chandler is alone at his place... Interesting... He probably reads in my mind because he adds : _"I think it's best if we take our time, Mon. Not that I don't want to, BELIEVE ME ! But... We already had a lot of emotions tonight, don't you think ?"_ He's right. I can wait. Mmmm, I'm not quite sure of that part, actually, but anyway I have to wait.

Chandler puts the plates, forks, knives, spoons, the bottle of champagne and the bucket in a box and grabs his CD player with the other hand. _"Need some help ?"_ I ask him.

" _I got it. Look... I'm going to get down first. You'll wait, maybe 4 or 5 minutes, and go back to your apartment. If you behave well, you may even have a surprise in the hallway",_ he says, winking at me.

I obey and – since I don't wear a watch tonight – I count to 60 five times. When I'm done, I go down the stairs to go back to my apartment. After the last stair, I take a glance and see the hallway is empty. I'm disappointed. I go forward and enter the space between our two doors. Suddenly, I hear a noise and see the door of the guy's apartment opening.

Chandler gets out cautiously so he doesn't make any noise. I smile at him and say quietly : _"Hey you... Funny how we met !"_ He smiles at me too and answers, being sure of not speaking too loud : _"Oh it's really by chance... I may have provoked it by staying with my eyes glued on the peephole for the last five minutes, but..."_

I burry my head in his chest and laugh. When I raise my head again to look at him, he's serious. He begins to stroke one of my cheek with his hand, then puts a strand of my hair behind my ear and starts whispering : _"By the way, Mon... You're beautiful. You're the most beautiful woman I know. Don't let any stupid drunk man make you think differently."_

I swallow and crash my lips against his. The more he talks, the more my feelings for him grow. My heart is going to explode... The kiss ends, Chandler whispers one last thing to my ears : _"Good night Monica"_ and goes back in his apartment, leaving me standing alone in the hallway. I couldn't even say good night back to him, I was still stunned by what he just said and by our great kiss afterwards.

I open my door, trying to be quiet. Rachel is probably home and I don't want to wake her up. I sigh when I see Rachel is here, sitting on the couch, reading a magazine. When she hears me entering, she gets up : _"Well, well, well... Seems like someone's date went well !"_

I feel myself blushing : _"Wh-Wha-What ?"_

Rachel smiles : _"Look at the time ! It's past midnight... We both know what it means... And I want to hear every little detail..."_ she says, sitting down on a chair.

Oh no... I don't want to talk to ANYONE about what happened between Chandler and me. It's OUR night. And it's still too fresh, I need to think about it, I need to relive it. "Good night", he said to me. I'm not going to get to sleep with what you did to me, Chandler ! I mumble to Rachel : _"It was great, yes. You ?"_

Rachel shakes his head, smiling knowingly : _"I won't let it go, Monica... My date was okay. He was nice but I didn't feel anything. We only ate and I went back home right afterwards. We said goodbye at the restaurant, I took a cab alone. I'm not planning to see him again. Your turn !"_

" _Mmm – nnnn – gggg – kkk – www..."_ Oh great Monica ! You don't look stupidly in love at all. In lo... ? Really ?

Rachel laughs : _"That good, eh ? Did you two kiss ?"_

I take a deep breath, trying to be honest with her without telling too much : _"He's a very sweet guy. We ate, we danced, we kissed."_

Rachel is perplexed : _"I thought you were going to the theatre."_

Damn, I forgot about that. Think fast, Monica ! _"Well... I thought that too but it was just so we could meet easily. We didn't go to the theatre."_

" _How was the kiss ?"_ Rachel asks, curious. Kisses, actually, Rach. I hold myself back and don't correct her. I can't help but smiling at the thought of kissing Chandler : _"Really, really good... He's a great kisser..."_

" _Ah !"_ Rachel exclaims, gladly. _"So you're going to see him again, right ?"_

I nod : _"Right. Look Rach, I'm a bit tired now, I think I'm going to bed"_ , I add, heading for my bedroom.

" _One last thing, Monica !"_ Rachel shouts at me. I turn back to her. _"If you met at the theatre, can you explain to me why there was this rose in the glass in the middle of the table when I came back ? It surely wasn't there when I left."_

Oh shoot... Chandler's rose. How come I didn't think about that ? I was distracted by his gorgeous smile and his little talk about the (future) bouquet of 100 roses. She grimaces : _"Plus, one single rose, is he stingy or what ?"_ Oh, Rachel, if only you knew... You'd probably freak out learning Chandler is the guy, actually.

I try to laugh : _"Oh, that ! No, no, no, no ! It's not from Chad ! It's, um... from... um..."_ What name can I say ? Rachel is going to ask the person if it's true ! I can see how she doubts ! Oh my oh my oh my... I have to say the right name and find something plausible... _"From Chandler. And it's not for me, actually. It's, um... he had a date tonight and she gave him this rose. He didn't know where to put it and asked me for help."_

Rachel frowns : _"Was his date a guy ? What kind of girl offers a rose to his date, and on the first night on the top of it ?"_

Good point. I'm screwed. The positive thing is that Rachel won't ever suspect Chandler is the one I'm goint out with. I shrug my shoulders : _"I don't know. I didn't meet her. He was in a rush because he didn't know what to do with the rose and he didn't want it to die."_

Rachel is looking at me suspiciously : _"He didn't have a glass to fill with water ?"_

Good point, again. I'm really bad at this. Again, I shrug my shoulders : _"What can I tell you ? It's Chandler ! Having a date, he probably was too nervous to be able to think about what to do with a rose..."_

I see on Rachel's face that she agrees with me. Phew... _"Good night !"_ I say to her, and quickly go in my bedroom before she asks something else.

* * *

 **TBC...**

 **Rachel can't hold her tongue, you know...**


	10. Chapter 10 : Rachel Spills The Beans

**Chapter 10 : Rachel Spills The Beans**

 **In my version, there isn't the part where Emily asks Ross not to see Rachel again. Let's just say that Emily broke up with Ross after the wedding. It's easier :)**

* * *

I couldn't sleep well last night. Of course. I was thinking about the date, about everything Chandler did, and what he said. I relived our kisses, the way he touched me. I would have wanted to have him in my bed. I feel so good when I'm with him... I eventually fell asleep and woke up quite early this morning. I already took a shower and I'm making breakfast when Rachel gets out of her bedroom : _"Morning Mon ! Did you dream about your great kisser from last night ?"_ I fake a smile : _"Ha ha..."_. Two seconds later the front door opens and Joey and Chandler enter. Just when Rachel opens the fridge and when Joey can't see because he's in front of him, Chandler looks me in the eyes and flashes me one of his amazing smiles. I'm melting again. Thank God no one notices because Joey is busy saying : _"I'm so hungry ! Did I tell you I had sex three times last night ?"_ Chandler now turns his attention to Joey : _"Only four times in the last hour, Joe..."_ I chuckle. Poor Chandler.

Rachel wants to put the milk on the table but there's no space left. She takes the glass with Chandler's rose and says to him : _"Don't you take your rose back ?"_

I freeze and our eyes meet. He seems confused.

" _What ?"_ he says, looking now at Rachel.

Rachel continues : _"It's yours, right ? Mon told me the story abour your date giving you this. Must be a weird girl !"_

" _You had a date last night ? And you didn't tell me ?"_ Joey is clearly hurt.

" _It's no big deal ! It was not a real date !"_ he exclaims, defensive, and I look at him surprised. Not a real date, it's his excuse ? Ha ! He quickly glances at me, and I raise my eyebrows, he's pulling a face in response, and I almost choke drinking, trying not to laugh. He's too cute. Thankfully no one pays attention to me. He still reacted way faster than me to find an explanation about the rose...

Chandler sighs : _"It's the daughter of one of my oldest colleague. He's worried because she hasn't had a date in one year and she's almost thirty. He wants grand-children. He's a bit crazy. I only did this to make him happy."_

Is his colleague a description of my mom ? I want to play with him and asks : _"So you're not going to see her again ?"_ He turns his attention to me and there's a brief moment of silence. I'm sure Rachel and Joey didn't notice, because it was between us, a game we played with our eyes in silence. He then turns to Joey and Rachel : _"No, I'm not going to see her again. Sorry I didn't tell you, man"_ , he pats Joey's shoulder. Joey's mouth is full of jam and he seems to have already forgotten : _"What ?"_

Chandler takes the glass with the rose off Rachel's hands and puts it on the fridge. _"You can keep the rose. I see you're taking good care of it"_ he says, clearly looking at me. Rachel is looking at him suspiciously and for one second I'm worried she could find out. I'm not ready to tell anyone yet, and I'm sure Chandler isn't either.

Luckily Phoebe enters the apartment. _"Hey guys ! Oh, Rachel, how was your date last night with the nurse ?"_

My roomate answers : _"Nice, nice... but nothing compared to Monica's date !"_

Thank you, Rachel.

Phoebe is surprised : _"Oh, I didn't even know you had a date too !"_. Joey is puzzled : _"I thought you said you didn't want to date anyone for now ?"_ How does he remember ? Rachel doesn't even seem to hear what Phoebe and Joey just said, she has a big smile on his face, looks at me, sees I'm not happy and says : _"I don't care"_. Chandler is sitting in front of me, so while I glare at Rachel, I see his reaction from the corner of my eye : he has a small smile and he's enjoying the situation, laid back on his chair.

Rachel doesn't stop there and laughs : _"He's a so good kisser that Monica couldn't even articulate a word when I asked her about him and the date."_ I'm going to kill her. Joey almost chokes with his food and Phoebe has his mouth wide open in amazement and his eyes are shining. In front of me, Chandler doesn't smile anymore and only raises his eyebrows, giving me an intent look. Yes Chandler, that's what you do to me...

" _Are you done ?"_ I coldly ask Rachel, who absolutely doesn't care I'm mad at her. She still has a big smile on her face : _"Yes !"_ It's too late anyway and Phoebe and Joey are asking me too many questions : _"What's his name ?", "Is he tall ?", "Where does he live ?", "What's his job ?", "When can we meet him ?"_ I stop their questions with my hands : _"Stop it, okay ?! I don't want to talk about it, leave this poor guy alone. He's really shy and you'll scare him."_ I get up to put my bowl in the sink and hear the protestations : _"Come on Mon ! Please !"_ I shake my head : _"You know what ? The more you ask, the more you bother me with your questions, the more I'll be quiet about him."_ Good, that shuts them up.

Phoebe is upset : _"Well... Seems like we're not welcome here this morning... I'm going to have my breakfast at Central Perk then. Who's with me ?"_ Joey and Rachel get up, but Chandler stays on his chair. Phoebe asks : _"Chandler ?"_ He looks at her, then me, and hesitates : _"Um... No thanks. I like Monica's pancakes."_ Joey, Phoebe and Rachel all roll their eyes, Joey even says through his teeth : _"Traitor"_ , and they leave.

Once the door is closed, the verious serious Chandler (until then...) bursts into laughter. I'm first surprised, then I smile and hit him with the towel I hold in my hand : _"What ?"_ He catches his breath before answering : _"Nothing ! It's just... The whole thing was really funny. When you know who the guy is, obviously..."_

Chandler gets up and puts his arms around my waist : _"Oh, by the way, good morning Monica..."_ and his lips are already on mine. It's not a long kiss, but it's a passionate one.

" _You know Mon... We're going to have to tell us, eventually..."_

I have my hands on his chest, I sigh and play with his t-shirt with my fingers : _"I know, I know... But not now ! Don't you want to spend more time with me, quietly, alone, before being the center of the attention ?"_

He agrees : _"Sure... But how ? There's always one of them around..."_

I shrug my shoulders : _"I guess we'll have to be inventive..."_

He looks around us : _"Liiiiiiike noooow... We're alone. Good job making them run away !"_

I laugh and kiss him. As I pull back, his mouth comes closer to mine again and we start a beautiful long kiss.

I'm still in his arms and he asks : _"What are you doing tonight ?"_

I'm surprised : _"Tonight ? But... The others ?"_

He's sure of him : _"I'll take care of the others."_

I pretend to be afraid : _"Are you going to kill them ?"_

He shakes his head while giving me one of his smiles : _"Meet me in my apartment at 8. Trust me."_

He gives me a peck on the lips and I answer : _"I trust you. By the way, is your imaginary colleague based on my mother or what ?"_

He laughs : _"I knew you would read between the lines ! Yes, it was on purpose."_

We start kissing again but hear some noise so we quickly stop and pretend to be busy : I run to the sink and Chandler sits down. Ross enters, depressed, and start talking about Emily and his next divorce...

* * *

 **TBC...**

 **The second date is coming :)**


	11. Chapter 11 : The Second Date

**Again, thank you very much for all the reviews, I really appreciate it !  
**

 **Someone mentionned I did some grammatical errors : feel free to point them out to me ! I want to learn from my mistakes :) English is not my first language and I absolutely hate reading something with grammatical errors in my first language (French), so I totally understand if it bothers you.**

 **Anyway, I don't plan to write about every date Chandler and Monica will have, but this one is special and deserves a chapter... :)**

* * *

 **Chapter 11 : The Second Date**

It's around 5 PM and we're all at Central Perk, I'm sitting on the orange couch between Chandler and Rachel and we listen to Ross complaining about Emily and her family. Chandler has his arm resting on the top of the couch and I'm so close to him I almost have my head on his shoulder. It's a little bit exciting, with the 4 others here who don't suspect a thing (I mean, how could they, seriously ?). Suddenly Chandler gets four tickets out of his pocket and show them to my brother : _"By the way, Ross, my colleague gave me 4 tickets to the Knicks game tonight to thank me for the date with his daugter. If you want to forget about Emily and everything for an evening, they're yours."_

Ross doesn't have the time to answer, Joey is already screaming : _"Tickets to a Knicks game ?! Dude ! Give it to me !"_

Chandler calms Joey down : _"Don't worry man, there are 4 tickets, Ross can take you... right ?"_

Ross nods and seems to feel better : _"Sure ! The three of us guys at a Knicks game !"_

Chandler winces : _"Ha sorry man, I can't make it. I have a big presentation to do at work tomorrow and I want to look at it again tonight."_

I follow everything with a big interest, admiring how Chandler is acting to keep all the others away from us this night. I'm so lucky to be in love with such an intelligent man. Say again Monica ?! In love, again, that's what I think. That's what I feel. In front of everyone, I suddenly shiver so hard that all my body moves. Rachel is looking at me, worried : _"You okay Monica ?"_

" _Y-y-y-yeah, mmm, I-I-..."_ I mumble. I'm really bad when someone asks me a question while I was thinking about Chandler... I have to be careful and more prepared. Rachel is frowning at me. I'm sure she knows I'm hiding something from her.

Chandler puts his hand on my forehead and I panick for a second : what is he doing ? _"You seem to have a bit of fever. Maybe you should rest tonight."_ Thankfully he's always there to help me... I agree with him : _"Yeah I don't feel well, I'll go to bed early."_

Phoebe is apparently happy that I'm (for what she knows...) sick : _"Oooohhhhhh, can I have one ticket then, please ? I deserve to have fun after nine months of pregnancy and giving birth to three kids..."_

Ross and Joey look at each other and accept : _"Of course ! Rachel ? We have one ticket left..."_ Rachel is looking at me : _"I don't know... If Monica is sick..."_ I interrupt her : _"It's okay Rachel, I'm not gonna die, it's probably just a cold. Plus, Chandler will be next door."_ The last point seems to really convince her and Rachel says okay to Ross and Joey and if the first feeling is relief, deep inside I feel something else. Trust, admiration, love... Chandler's plan worked perfectly. I can REALLY count on him.

 **###**

Two hours later, I'm in front of my closet, wondering what I should wear for our second date when I hear the door of my apartment opening and closing. If it's not a burglar, it can only be one person... I don't even have the time to move that I see Chandler in my door frame. He smiles at me : _"Hey Mon, I was wondering... I don't have the help of Gary and his wife tonight... So... What do you want to eat ? I would have taken you somewhere but you can't go out since you're soooooooo sick..."_

I laugh and come closer to him. I put my arms around his neck and give him a quick peck on the lips : _"I don't care. I just want to spend some time alone with you. Just make something simple, like spaghetti."_

Chandler grimaces : _"That sucks... Plus, as a chef, I hope you're not gonna give me a grade or something !"_ I chuckle and kiss him once again : _"I'm Monica your girlfriend now, not Monica your critical friend."_ Chandler has a big grin on his face : _"Oh... So you're my girlfriend ? Cool !"_ He's so cute… In fact, I realise I think that very often and never tell him. It's about time. _"You're so cute"_ I say before kissing him again. I could spend the entire evening kissing him, I absolutely don't care about the dinner. He stops the kiss just to gloat : _"Hey, look at that, I'm boyfriend material, ultimately !"_ I smile at him : _"Yes you are... I guess I was just blinded by the fact that you are one of my best friend..."_ He smiles lightly and pulls me into a hug. I hold him as strongly as I can, to make him understand how much I care about him. He kisses my shoulder before pulling away : _"I'll see you in thirty minutes at my place !"_

 **###**

I'm now in Chandler's apartment and we're eating spaghetti around the foosball table. He's wearing a black shirt and a pair of blue jeans. Simple, but he still looks stunning to me. He's focused on his fork and getting his spaghetti around it. I can't help but staring at him, doing something so normal : I feel like a pain in my heart, but not in a bad way. It's love, I guess... I'm starting to accept that. I never felt that way about anyone, not even Richard. I clearly never was moved by Richard just by watching him rolling spaghetti around a fork ! I shake my head and say to Chandler : _"By the way, congratulations for your strategy, it worked, they're all at the game, not having a clue that we're having a so much better time than them !"_ Chandler smiles with his mouth full of pasta. How can he be so cute in a situation like this ? My heart aches when I think about the times I hurt him. I think about London. I have to ask him once again, I want an answer : _"Chandler... I'm sorry to ask you one more time but... Why were you really walking alone in London *that* night ?"_

Chandler swallows, cleans his mouth with his towel and pauses a few seconds before starting to speak : _"Because I failed."_ He sees I'm confused. _"I was with you that night. I was the one who should have helped you. When I brought you back to your hotel room and you were clearly annoyed by my questions, I understood I wasn't the person you wanted by your side at this moment. It hurt because a) I didn't succeed to cheer you up, b) you were still sad when I left you, and c) worse, I was a burden. So I needed some fresh air to think and try to understand what you were going through. Try to put myself in your shoes I guess. So I could help you."_

How come I never realized how sweet, caring, loving, sensitive, he is ? He only cared about me that night. I have no word, so I just get up and go to him. I put my arms around his shoulders and give him a long and deep kiss. I hope he can feel all the love in my kiss, I don't think I'm ready to tell him the "L-word" yet. And I'm not sure he's ready to hear it and tell it.

Still standing up beside him, I gently stroke his hair and bit my lower lip : _"My God... I understand better why you were so hurt when you found out why I was in your room that night..."_ Chandler's eyes immediately fall on the floor. Why did you bring that up, Monica ? I continue to stroke his hair, lovingly. He says in a husky voice : _"Yeah it was... Horrible. At first. But then... I was so relieved when you told me how uncomfortable you were in his arms. I'm curious though : why Joey ?"_

I explain : _"Well... As I said... I wanted to do something stupid... Just meaninless sex... I talked to Phoebe and she suggested Joey."_

He looks up at me : _"Bad Phoebe !"_ I laugh and kiss him again. We're looking into each other's eyes and Chandler gets up, putting his arms around my waist. My hands slip on his chest, I feel his heart beating hard, and I know I have one last truth to tell him. _"I have to tell you... You were in my mind all along. I was constantly trying to chase you off my mind. You couldn't have been an option, but not because I didn't want you. Only because I wanted meaningless sex and with you it couldn't have been meaningless."_

He gives me a big warm smile and whispers : _"Wanna check that ?"_ before kissing me hard. Our tongues are meeting and mingling, our hands are all over each other's bodies. When we have to stop kissing to catch our breath, Chandler takes my hand and leads me to his bedroom.

* * *

 **TBC...**

 **Yeah, I know Friends is a comedy, but I was always hurt (and still am when I watch it again now) all the times Chandler was belittled by the others (especially Phoebe) whereas he was so kind. That's why here I want Monica to realize how great he is.**


	12. Chapter 12 : Someone Is Back

**Chapter 12 : Someone Is Back**

We did it. Two times. The first one was slow and loving – to my surprise because we both really were in a rush to discover ourselves. It was awesome. The second one was more passionnate. It was perfect. I'm still amazed by the fact that it didn't feel weird, by the fact that everything seems so normal between us. I had sex with Chandler Bing, I'm in bed with Chandler Bing. Nope, definitely not weird, I just feel happiness. It's like : "Why didn't I see before that we'd be perfect together ?" I see it now. I guess we're meant for each other. We're now lying in bed, cuddling, talking and laughing. We know we don't have much time together left tonight, because the four others will be back soon.

All of a sudden, Chandler's alarm clock rings. He turns it down : _"Ha, they should be back in about thirty minutes, I guess we should get up."_ He studies my face and adds : _"You seem a little bit too happy for someone who's supposed to be sick !"_ I laugh and kiss him : _"You know... I told Rachel you would take care of me, maybe you should come work in my apartment..."_ It's his turn to kiss me : _"I like that..."_

 **###**

Fifteen minutes later, we're in my apartment. I'm laying down on the couch with a book and I put a lot of tissues around me. Chandler is at the table, looking at some serious documents I didn't understood a thing. I lift my head to look at him and I'm curious : _"Do you really have a presentation tomorrow ?"_

" _Oh yeah ! But don't worry I already know everything, that's in there !"_ he says, pointing to his head with his finger. I smile. He's so smart. I love him. Yes, I love him, there's no doubt now. If I keep having this feeling in my stomach when I look at him, if I'm still overwhelmed with joy when I'm with him, if I always feel the need to kiss him, touch him... Then that's love. We're gazing at each other smiling when the door opens suddenly and our friends come in. Chandler is surprised : _"Wow, you're here early !"_ Joey shrugs : _"Yeah, they lost..."_ I exchange a quick look with Chandler : thankfully he programmed his alarm clock, otherwise we'd still be happily in bed. He quickly raises his eyebrows, confirming me we think the same thing. I love that. Searching for his look, finding it, feeling so happy knowing we have the same thoughts.

Ross speaks to Chandler : _"Anyway, we met someone..."_ Joey interrupts him, snapping his fingers : _"Oh yeah I forgot about that ! We met Kathy !"_ I freeze and quickly sits down on the couch to better look at them. Chandler doesn't seem to care (less than me, actually...) and remarks calmly : _"Oh yeah ? How was she ?"_

Joey sits down next to him : _"Dude... Not good... She was there with her brother. She..."_

Rachel comes closer to me : _"Hey Mon, how do you feel ? Do you wa..."_

" _Sssshhhh !"_ I can't help but saying to her, a finger on my lips. She's clearly surprised and looks at me oddly : _"O-Okay... I didn't know you cared so much about Chandler's love life..."_

I hear the end of Joey's sentence : _"... 'cause he was a jerk you know."_ I guess Kathy broke up with the guy she cheated on Chandler with. _"Jeez, I wonder how that feels..."_ comments Chandler, sarcastically. Joey seems sorry : _"Seriously, she felt horrible for what she did to you. She asked us if you were still single, of course we said yes and..."_

WHAT ?! I yelled in my head and almost did outloud. He's not single ! He's with me ! He's mine ! Back off, Kathy ! I'm panicking. I'm seriously panicking : my heart is beating fast and I'm getting sweaty. I keep looking at Chandler : his face is emotionless, he genuinely doesn't seem to care.

Chandler's word are confirming my impressions : _"I moved on, Joey. I don't care about Kathy. I'll never go back with her."_

" _But... You were really in love with her ! Give her another chance !"_ Shut up, Ross ! He told you he doesn't want to ! Chandler gets up and takes a bottle of water in the fridge : _"Look guys... I appreciate, really._ _I had a crush on her, yes. Ending our relationship was hard because of the way it happened : she cheated on me. Now it's in the past and I don't think I was in love with her."_

Rachel is skeptical : _"Come on Chandler, you had more than a crush ! Remember the book ? You even put your friendship with Joey in danger for her ! You told us you loved her !"_ He drinks and shrugs his shoulders : _"I guess I was wrong."_

I watch everyone around me and they're all looking at Chandler confused. I'm the only one who probably looks... anxious ? Thank God nobody is watching me. Phoebe declares : _"Anyway Chandler... She's a nice girl, and she wanted to apologize to you properly, so_ _she'll be waiting for you at the coffee house tomorrow at 6 PM."_

What are they all doing ? Are they preferring Kathy to me ? Well... To be fair they don't know I'm the other choice... Chandler says firmly : _"She can wait. I won't go."_ I love it when he puts his foot down, he's even more attractive. I could get up and kiss him right now. That'll end the conversation. Of course I don't do that... I'm still watching, powerless, my friends trying to convince my boyfriend to see his ex-girlfriend. That sounds complicated.

Joey is the most upset by my man's refusal : _"Chandler ! Please reconsider this !"_ Soon Ross, Rachel and Phoebe are all saying together : _"Yes, just go and see her"_ , _"I'm sure you still feel something for her"_ , _"Plus, you've been single for almost a year now !"_ Up until then I remained silent but I find the courage to add, after everyone : _"If he doesn't want to see her, we should respect his choice..."_

For the first time since they came back, Chandler is looking at me, and for the first time I notice his voice is softer : _"Thank you Monica."_ I offer him a weak smile, still anxious about how he feels deep down. I see something in his eyes, it's hard to describe, it's like a "smile" to reassure me. Ross, Joey and Phoebe continue : _"We'll all be there if you want to !"_ , _"Yes, we'll support you !"_ , _"Come on Chandler, be a gentleman, this woman is feeling bad that's all !"_. Rachel is silent and seems to have lost interest in the Kathy/Chandler thing. But I feel his eyes are on me, so I turn my head. She's looking at me suspiciously. She knows. No, she doesn't. How could she know ?

Chandler sighs : _"Oh my God... Okay, okay. I'll go. If that can make you stop... But ! You're all coming with me ! All the five of you !"_ he adds, pointing his finger to all of us and – that's what it seems to me anyway... – a bit longer to me at the end. _"Now if you'll excuse me... I'll go to sleep, I have a long day tomorrow."_ Before exiting the apartment, to my surprise, he comes to me, and for a second I'm afraid he's going to kiss me in front of everyone. But no, he only kisses me on the cheek and I feel myself blushing. _"Take care Monica. I had a great evening with you."_

Ross and Joey absolutely don't care about what Chandler just did (after all, we've been friends for so long now, right ?), they're now talking about the game. Phoebe gets up satisfied : _"Okay, now that I won against Chandler, I'll go back home. Good night everyone !"_ Ross looks at his watch : _"Oh yeah, I should go too, I have an early appointment at the museum tomorrow !"_ Joey is heading to the door with them. _"If everyone is leaving... Bye Rach and Mon !"_

Once they left, the room is silent. I'm afraid to look at Rachel, sitting down on the coffee table in front of me. After a few seconds, she's the one to talk : _"You know what's weird ?"_ I can't look at her, I can't. She carries on : _"There are tissues everywhere here. We've been back home for like 15 minutes, but I didn't see you use a tissu. Your nose isn't running."_

Shoot. I'm a bad liar. I can't even play sick. _"Yeah I... I feel better."_ Rachel shakes her head, not buying what I say. _"Monica... Come on... You were never sick... Which leads me to ask you four questions."_

Four ? FOUR ? Oh my God ! I'm never going to find four lies so quickly ! She starts : _"First : why did you lie, saying you were sick ? Second : Why did you shiver like that earlier at the coffee house ? Third : Why Chandler was the one saying that you had fever ? Fourth : What did you do tonight while we were at the game ? Oh and I have a fifth one :_ _How's Chad ?"_

I have to answer fast. _"Um... I shivered because I was chilly, so... um... I thought that I was beginning to be sick. I didn't want to risk it by going to the game. Chandler, well... Um... I guess his hands were cold when he put them on my forehead ?! Tonight I had a quiet evening, I read. Chad's doing well, we talked on the phone."_

Rachel is still full of doubts : _"Yeeeeaaaaaah... That's your version. Okay. Okay."_ I see she doesn't believe me, but I have no idea of what she thinks. Does she have a clue about Chandler and me ? Or does she imagine something else ? Anyway, I'll have to be extra careful, and I should warn Chandler too.

* * *

 **TBC...**

 **So now Monica has to deal with Rachel and Kathy.**

 **Don't worry about Kathy though, I'm only using her character so Rachel can get more and more suspicious :)**


	13. Chapter 13 : An Eventful Evening

**Chapter 13 : An Eventful Evening**

I couldn't talk to Chandler at all today. I tried to call him at work, to talk about Kathy and Rachel, but his assistant always told me he wasn't in his office. I guess his presentation was a long one. We're now at Central Perk, waiting for Kathy and Chandler, and I feel very uncomfortable. Every time the door opens, I almost jump and quickly turn my head to see who's entering. I feel Rachel's eyes on me : I should be more casual, I know it. But I can't. Every day, every hour, every minute, I'm more and more sure about what I feel for him. I know I shouldn't be worried, I'm sure Chandler doesn't feel anything for Kathy anymore, I'm almost certain he prefers being with me, but a part of me doubts. It hits me : I'm afraid I could lose him. Now or later. I don't want to lose him. Never. I want him for ever.

There she is. Kathy. She seems as anxious as me. She sees us and she's clearly relieved that Chandler isn't here yet. She sits in the brown armchair and turns her attention to me : in a way it's logical because I'm the one (besides Chandler...) she didn't see yesterday. I tell her I'm still a chef and things get awkward when she asks her next question : _"Are you seeing someone ?"_ Yes. Your ex-boyfriend. The man you're here for. I don't even have time to open the mouth that Rachel answers for me : _"Oh yes, Chad, a marvellous man. Sweet and great kisser. Right, Mon ?"_ The way she said it, I feel she's challenging me. She doesn't think Chad exists. Or maybe she thinks he has another name... I don't look at Rachel and smile to Kathy : _"Yes..."_ Thankfully Kathy doesn't notice anything and only nods : _"Good for you, you deserve it."_

I'm still thinking about what just happened when I see Kathy's face changing, looking behind me, and I hear a familiar voice in my back : _"Hey."_ I want to face him, hug him, kiss him, in front of everyone. I want everyone to know he's MY boyfriend. I never thought this would happen so fast, we're happy keeping our relationship secret, but I guess Kathy coming back in the picture changed that : I want my friends to know we're together. But I can't do it all by myself, we have to talk first.

Kathy gets up and I see her swallowing : _"Chandler..."_ She still has feelings for him, I see it now, the way she looks at him... She comes closer to him and I watch her opening her arms, ready to hug him. I'm yelling : _"NOOOOOOOOO"_ in my head, which is stupid because, what's the big deal if they hug ? It's a friendly hug ! Are they friends though ? But it's like Chandler heard me and he stops her by putting his hands between them : _"Kathy... I didn't come here for that. I came here because my friends told me you wanted to apologize. And because they were really insistent."_ She looks disappointed but keeps looking him in the eyes, searching for something : _"Right. I'm sorry I hurt you. I did something really really stupid. I'll never have enough words to apologize. I know it was a long time ago but back then I was so ashamed I couldn't find the courage... I'm still ashamed. I..."_ She stops, looks at us and says quietly to Chandler : _"Could we speak alone ?"_

Chandler has crossed his arms and he's determined : _"No. If you have something to say, go ahead. In front of my friends."_ Kathy looks at us again, annoyed, but takes a deep breath and declares : _"I still have feelings for you. You're a very special guy. I've never met someone as sweet as you, so caring, so..."_ I see Chandler smiling and for a second I panick, but then he looks down, shakes his head and chuckle : _"Stop that. It's over."_

He hasn't his arms crossed anymore, one of his hands is resting on the top of the couch, just where my head and neck are. She doesn't let go : _"But what if..."_ He cuts her, almost angry now : _"Kathy ! I said stop ! It has nothing to do with you or what you've done."_ He softens and I feel one of his fingers pressing my upper back, on purpose obviously : _"I'm in love. For real this time."_ He's in love ? And he says it in front of everyone ? He loves me and he's not afraid to tell it ? Thank God no one can see my face (except Kathy who still faces me, but she's only looking at Chandler), I must be glowing and I repress a smile by biting my lips. Chandler slowly strokes my shoulder and no one can see it. Kathy seems surprised and confused : _"Oh... But your friends... They... They told me you were single."_ Chandler takes off his hands from the couch and shows us : _"They don't know."_

Kathy is giving up: _"Well... Then... I'll leave... Sorry again, Chandler. I hope she won't hurt you the way I did."_ Chandler anwers immediately, sure of him : _"She won't."_ No, I won't Chandler. I love you too much to hurt you.

Kathy says bye, leaves and Chandler collapses into the armchair where Kathy was sitting before. We're all staring at him, stunned. Of course, in my friends' eyes there's shock, astonishment, whereas in my eyes there's love. Chandler looks at us and feigns surprise : _"What ?"_ Rachel is the first one to talk : _"What was that ?"_ , quickly followed by Phoebe : _"You're in love ?"_ Ross can't believe it : _"Since when ?"_ Joey is hurt : _"Why didn't you tell me ?"_ I feel like I have to say something too, otherwise it'll look suspicious : _"Who is she ?"_ Okay, I asked the trickiest question and I just realized it. Too late, oops.

Chandler looks at me first and I see he's not too happy about my question. But maybe it's part of his game ? He's better at this than me, so who knows. I crunch my nose to silently apologize to him. _"Guys, calm down. I just wanted to get rid of Kathy, okay ?"_ Ross and Joey are relieved : _"Oooooooohhhhhh, yeah, sounds more plausible !"_ So, because that's Chandler, he can't be in love ? Phoebe is more dubious : _"You seemed so sincere..."_ Only Rachel stays quiet and I don't like that. Her mind is probably putting 2 and 2 together right now. Chandler shrugs his shoulders : _"What can I tell you ? I'm gonna get a coffee, does anyone want something ?"_

The rest of the evening is perfectly normal, we eat at home, we talk about our day, we joke, but when the guys and Phoebe leave the apartment, I know I'm going to get questionned. I'm putting away all the things we used tonight and Rachel pretends to help me, picking up a magazine on the couch. _"Sooooooo Mon... Any idea who is this mysterious girl ?"_

I'm choosing to play stupid : _"What girl ?"_ Rachel laughs, mocking me : _"Yeah, "what girl ?", right..."_ I can't blame her. _"The girl he's in love, Mon."_

Stay confused, Monica, it's your only chance and you're gaining time : _"He ? Are you talking about Chandler ?"_

" _Or Chad, I'm not sure yet."_ I freeze and thankfully I have my back turned to Rachel, not my face. Rachel said that trying to sound casual but I know she's only guessing, she doesn't have any proof, just doubts.

I turn around, laughing : _"What ? What are you implying ?"_

Rachel seems more and more sure of her : _"That Chad and Chandler are only one person. That would explain a lot of things."_

I cross my arms, confident : _"I can't wait to listen. Make me laugh."_ She can't have a lot of proofs. I'm ready to find some good explanations.

Rachel looks me in the eyes, defiantly : _"Mmm, okay. First, that would explain why you never talk to us about Chad, except the time_ _ **I**_ _talked. And we never saw him, he never comes by to see you, he never calls. That would explain why you didn't come to the game the other night. Oddly, Chandler didn't come either. Weird, uh ? Oh, that would soooooo explain the rose on the glass ! What a lame excuse you gave me ! You really think I bought that ? Chandler is not that stupid, he's not Joey. He knows what to do with a flower."_ She claps her hands together : _"Oooooohhhhh and you soooooo freaked out when you learnt that Kathy wanted to see Chandler !"_

I can only laugh. What are my other options ? She's a terrible spotter. I should know, that was like that in high school already, she knew every gossip. I respond, still giggling : _"Wow, you have a lot of imagination !"_

Rachel is about to say something but the phone rings. I let the answering machine getting it and we hear Chandler's voice : _"Hey Mon. Emergency here. Come quick."_ I close my eyes briefly. That's our code. We discussed it in bed last night. When we want to see each other, we can call each other and pretend an emergency, so if there's someone with the other one, he / she doesn't suspect a thing. Except Rachel heard everything and she already suspects something. She smiles knowingly and shakes her head : _"Emergency ? I wonder what kind... Is his kitchen on fire ? Is his bathroom flooded ? Are the walls of his bedroom falling apart ?"_

She won't believe anything I'd say and I'm tired of lying to her. What should I do ? I have to talk to Chandler first ! I sit down on the couch and Rachel sits down next to me. I'm about to crack, I even want to cry. I don't want to do that without warning him first. The phone rings again and it's Chandler once again : _"Seriously, Mon. Emergency. E-M-E-R..."_ I pick up the phone and Rachel is watching me closely. Everything I'll say or do will be over-analyzed, I know that. _"Hey Chandler, what's up ?"_

He understands immediately : _"Shoot, Rachel's here ?"_

I don't even want to open my mouth. _"Mmmmm, mmmmm"_

" _Sorry Mon. What is she doing ?"_

Watching me. Listening to me. Trying to hear what you say. _"No, we heard your message, we didn't think it'd be so serious."_

" _That bad ? Does she suspect something ?"_

" _More than that. You should put more butter than that."_ Rachel is not impressed. I'm failing and making a fool of myself.

" _Should I come over ? Can I help you ?"_

" _No. Just..."_ How to ask him ? _"Do you think it would be okay if..."_ How saying this not being obvious ? _"You know what, I'm coming, you clearly need me."_

I quickly hang up, get up and rush to the hallway. Rachel is furious and screams : _"MONICA ! YOU COULD AT LEAST HAVE THE COURAGE TO TELL ME THAT..."_

I yell : _"I come back in 2 minutes I promise !"_

I should better come back with a good explanation...

* * *

 **TBC...**

 **It really wasn't easy to write, I'm not totally satisfied, but anyway, Rachel will soon be fixed...**


	14. Chapter 14 : Talking To Rachel

First of all, sorry about the delay, I've got a lot of work lately and it's not easy to find the time to write :(

Thank you everyone for the reviews, I hope you'll like the ending of the story (it's not this chapter, but the next I think).

* * *

 **Chapter 14 : Talking To Rachel**

I open the door and Chandler is sitting on the counter. He heard the last yellings and whispers : _"That's a lot of noise. Let's get in the bathroom, I'm not sure Joey is fully asleep."_ I follow him and once he had closed the door I quickly tell him everything : _"Rachel knows ! She keeps asking me tons of questions ! She's watching me for a while now, she doesn't believe anything I say, and she knows Chad doesn't exist, and she knows it's you, and I can't find enough lies because she has so many good points, and..."_

Chandler puts his hands on my shoulders : _"Monica, breathe !"_ I catch my breath and he hugs me. I suddenly feel better, in his arms I feel so safe, like nothing else matters. Just the two of us. He kisses my hair : _"Seeing you panicking, I take it you didn't tell her."_

I grimace : _"No... She just... She... Figured it out. I don't know how. Maybe we're too close."_ He smiles and looks me in the eyes, stroking my back to calm me down : _"Hey, that's okay Mon. I know we wanted to keep it secret for some time, but if only Rachel knows... I can live with it."_ I snort : _"It's Rachel ! We'd better pray she doesn't yell it on the roof by midnight !"_ He laughs : _"We'll tape her mouth !"_ I laugh and raise my head to kiss him.

" _So... Do you want me to come with you ?"_ He's so sweet, so supportive. I can't resist and kiss him again.

I stroke his hair : _"Yeah, just... I'll go first, okay ? Stay on the hall, I'll call you."_

We kiss one more time and I go back to my apartment.

Rachel is waiting for me, unhappy. She's up and her arms are crossed. _"What the hell was that ?"_ she asks angrily. I'm stepping forward to her, my hands in front of me, trying to calm her down : _"Okay Rach, I can explain."_ She points her finger at me, still furious : _"Don't you lie to me !"_

I reply : _"I won't. First, I'm sorry I lied to you. It was hard, believe me, but I had to. Come on, how would have you reacted if I had revealed you something big like that a few days ago ?"_ Rachel's eyes are growing bigger and it seems like she can't believe it : _"So... I'm right ?"_ Um. Maybe she wasn't THAT sure, then. I test her one last time : _"Right about what ?"_ It's crazy how sure of her she sounds when she says this beautiful sentence : _"That you and Chandler are together."_ I want to smile. Yeah. We're together. We're a couple. That's so... Great.

But I don't smile to her and I choose my words carefully : _"I didn't totally lie to you : I have a new boyfriend, and he's really sweet and a great kisser. But... He... I..."_ Rachel is looking at me expectantly and I need Chandler by my side : _"You know what... Let me get him."_ I open the front door and notice Rachel is trying to see who's behind. But Chandler is out of her sight, he's sit down on a stair. I go grab his hand and immediately feel stronger. _"Come on, let's shock Rachel"_ , I tell him, and he laughs.

When we enter the apartment, holding hands, Rachel opens his jaw in surprise and puts her hands on her head : _"OH MY GOD !"_

I don't know what to say so I opt for something that'll lighten the mood : _"Here's my boyfriend. Rachel, this is Chandler. Chandler, Rachel."_ Rachel doesn't move, she's still in the same position, astonished. Chandler extends his free hands like he would like to shake hers : _"Hello Rachel, nice to meet you."_

I didn't think it was possible, but Rachel eyes are growing even bigger : _"THAT'S HUUUUUUUUUUGE !"_ Chandler looks down at his crotch and replies : _"Thanks"._ I can't help but burst into laughter. At any another time, I would probably have rolled my eyes, but for now, there's so much tension that I think it's funny.

That brings Rachel back to reality : _"Oh yeah, it's definitely Chandler..."_ He smiles proudly and I lean against his arm, squeezing his hand in mine. Rachel can't take her eyes off us and shakes her head in disblief : _"But... How ? When ? How come ? Who initiated this ? Are you serious ?"_ I close the door of our apartment and motion to Rachel to sit down. She chooses the couch, so Chandler and I sit down next to each other on the coffee table. I talk first : _"We're really serious, yes. We have feelings for some time now but eventually found out rencently that we have never told each other what we felt deep down. I'm the one who asked him out. And BELIEVE ME I had to convince him !"_ Chandler chuckles and passes one arm around my shoulders : _"I didn't think an amazing woman like Monica would want me..."_ and he kisses me on the forehead. I slap his knee playfully : _"Shut up. You're great. I'm the one who didn't think you'd want me."_

Rachel puts his hands on her temples, trying to deal with what we just admitted : _"I can't believe it ! I mean... I thought Monica was acting weird, and the more I was watching you the more I assumed that you two being together was the best explanation to everything, but... I kept telling myself : you're wrong Rachel, that can be it. Monica and Chandler ? Oh my God, Ross is gonna freak out !"_ I feel Chandler getting tensed and say to Rachel : _"By the way, Rach... Please, please, do not tell anyone for now. We'll tell them, but we still need some time to ourselves, quietly."_

Rachel now looks directly at me : _"Are you asking me to keep it secret ?"_

" _Yes, please !"_

She hesitates : _"Oh my God, it's so huge..."_

Chandler and I look at her with puppy eyes, _praying_ with our hands. It works, but she doesn't seem happy about this : _"Okay, fine..."_

I hug her : _"Thank you Rachel, thank you so much, it's very important for us..."_

After the hug, she again points her finger at me : _"You better tell me everything now that I know !"_

Hearing that, Chandler winces. I giggle and kiss him : _"You have nothing to worry about..."_ Rachel is watching us : _"Unbelievable... I just saw Monica and Chandler kissing."_ Chandler seems hurt : _"What ? Are you suggesting it was awful ?"_ I'm a bit worried because I know Rachel can be mean and hurtful without realizing it, but she only shakes her hands and admits : _"No, no. I must say... And I'm the first surprised... Seeing you, like that... You look good together."_ I'm relieved, and my eyes meet Chandler's as I say : _"Yeah, we do."_ We kiss a bit longer this time and say good night.

As soon as Chandler has closed the front door, Rachel claps her hands : _"Okay, I'm listening !"_ I own her some secrets, she's my best friend. Plus, I'm very happy to be able to gush about Chandler to someone. I want everyone to know he's amazing, I've been thinking and I realized we make fun of him and his love life too often. He's a great catch, and I can't wait to tell Rachel.

I'm still sitting in front of her : _"Well, you already know he's a great kisser..."_

With her thumb, Rachel shows the door my boyfriend just closed, skeptical : _"Chandler ?"_

I smile lovingly : _"Oh yeah ! Gentle but passionnate at the same time... And in the bedroom... Um... Last night... That was the best sex I ever had."_

For the second time tonight, Rachel's jaw drops in shock : _"B-B-Bet...Bet... Better than Richard ?"_

I nod : _"Oh yeah, definitely ! Plus, I feel so good with him ! We can talk about absolutely everything, because that's what we've done for the past 8 years as friends. I have a blind faith in him, seriously, he's the most trustable man I've ever known."_

Rachel seems to contemplate what I just said. I continue to convince her : _"And he's so sweet... He always tries to please me, to make me happy. Of course you also know he can make me laugh, he can make all of us laugh."_ I tell her about our first date and she remarks : _"Aaaawwwwww, that's so romantic !"_ Are there tears I see in her eyes ? She probably wants to hid it because she suddenly hugs me : _"I'm so happy for you, Mon..."_

After a pause she resumes : _"And... You heard what he said at the coffee house... He's in love. Do you feel the same way ?"_ I smile : _"I can't keep that out of my mind these last two days : I love him, yes. I didn't expect to be so sure so quickly but, when I think about it, it's been a while since I first discovered my feelings, and I've known him for so long... I know him perfectly."_ This time, there are little tears rolling down my friend's cheeks : _"Aww, that's so beautiful. You're gonna be so happy together, I'm sure. You're right. We all see a funny friend and often forget how great he is once he stops the jokes, you're right. You saw it."_ She's going to make me cry too ! We hug once again.

* * *

 **TBC...**

 **For those who have recognized, yes I took the idea of the "That's huge" / "Thanks" part from the bloopers of season 10, Matthew Perry made me laugh with his reply when I first saw it ^^**

 **I liked the choice of Joey being the first one to know in the show, but I always thought Rachel could easily have been the first one to notice something was up, hence my choice.**

 **Like I said, next chapter will probably be the last. Be patient though, because I don't know yet when I'll have enough time to write it. And I want a nice ending :)**


	15. Chapter 15 : The Final Chapter

**Chapter 15 : The Final Chapter**

 _Um, okay, I'm sure everyone has forgotten this story, but I had to *FINALLY* end it. To make it up to you, it's a really long chapter, I hope you'll enjoy reading it._

 _So here's the end and when everyone finds out. Thanks for reading :)_

* * *

It's been two months now, things are still amazing between me and Chandler (maybe even more amazing... is it possible?). It's a good thing Rachel knows about us, because she helps us a lot to be alone, especially with Ross living in the guy's apartment. She's finally happy to be the only one to know our secret. Chandler and I still haven't told each other the "L-word", but I often saw this look in his eyes the past weeks... Like he was about to tell it, but couldn't. I don't blame him, I couldn't either. It's like the words are stuck in my throat. It doesn't matter, we have all the time.

"Chad" is still existing for Joey, Ross and Phoebe, it seemed easier at first, but now it's getting more and more complicated because they all wonder why I haven't introduced him to them yet. Chandler told me Joey is complaining he doesn't see his buddy very much these times and he's wondering why, but Chandler told him he had a lot of work. I asked Chandler a couple times to reveal our relationship to the others, but he seemed so scared by the idea that I immediately dropped it. We're not in a rush, and I know he has commitment issues, I can be patient.

Tonight, we're all hanging out at Central Perk, I'm sitting on the couch between Chandler and Phoebe. I'm very tired by a long day at the restaurant and feel sleepy, so I casually lay my head on Chandler's shoulder. I feel him kissing lightly the top of my head and smile happily : it's so good to be able to act like a couple in front of everyone, but with no one (well, except Rachel...) suspecting a thing. I hear Joey saying : _"Be careful Chandler, if Monica's boyfriend sees you, he would be jealous!"_ Phoebe chuckles : _"Jealous of Chandler? Yeah right!"_ I'm suddenly very much awake and turn to Phoebe: _"What do you mean?"_

" _Uh-oh..."_ I hear Rachel saying, and I feel Chandler tensing up next to me. Phoebe shrugs her shoulders, like it was obvious : _"You know..."_ and she adds, pointing at him : _"He's Chandler!"_ I feel anger through my body and says abruptely, eyebrows raised : _"So?"_ I know exactly what she's meaning, she's always the hardest of our little group on Chandler, and I'm sick of it. Phoebe is hesitating, her mouth opens up and moves without making any noise, there's confusion in her eyes. There's also tension in our group: even if my eyes remain on Phoebe, I can see Rachel anxious in the armchair, and I feel the boys' eyes on me.

Chandler breaks the silence, in a soft voice : _"It's okay Mon, just drop it."_ He adds, laughing : _"Besides, Phoebe's right! Chad can't be jealous of me! Right, Monica? Come on!"_ I understand what he's saying, how can a fictional character be jealous of real Chandler, or more precisely, how can HE, Chandler, be jealous of himself, fake Chad? I relax and patt his knee, admitting the truth: _"I know, I know, but still... I didn't want Phoebe to put you down..."_

" _Aaaaawwwwwwwww, that's so sweet! Me neither, I don't want Phoebe to put you down, buddy"_ , says Joey, patting Chandler's arm. We all laugh and move to another subject.

* * *

It's now 11 PM and Chandler is in my bedroom. We're lying on the bed, still dressed, talking about our day more in details, touching and kissing at the same time. _"Oh, and thanks for standing up for me earlier, by the way..."_ Chandler smiles, and gives me a quick kiss. I shiver, thinking about Phoebe's attitude. _"You know..."_ I start explaining to him, _"It's not over... I mean, I still want to talk to Phoebe about that. You're my boyfriend, I can't tolerate such a good friend of mine speaking this way about my boyfriend."_

" _Meh..."_ he shrugs his shoulders, _"it's Phoebe... And she doesn't know I'm your boyfriend."_

" _STILL!"_ I yell, then lower my tone : _"How can you be okay with what she implied?"_

He looks down and seems suddenly uncomfortable, so I stroke his arm to encourage him to talk. _"Y—y- you... ah... it's... it's not... ehm..."_ he struggles with his words, before exclaiming : _"She's right!"_ I'm confused, as he carries on : _"She's right. Who on earth could be jealous of me? I mean, besides being jealous of the wonderful girlfriend I have..."_ , he smiles and I melt.

I'm looking in his beautiful blue eyes, shining, sending me love, adoration, protection, tenderness, passion... So many emotions. I love him. There's no doubt. And I remember what he just said. I remember he's still insecure. Not insecure about our relationship, as I was afraid of, but simply insecure of himself. I suddenly understand: _"Chandler..."_ I start, my mouth dry, _"is that why you want so badly our relationship to stay secret? Because you're afraid the others would think you're not good enough?"_

He blushes, still looking down and once again shrugs his shoulders. He doesn't nod in agreement, but I know I'm right, that's the reason. And I thought it was because he didn't want to commit so soon, so quickly! My heart's beating fast and I can only whisper : _"My God... Chandler... Look at me."_ But he doesn't. He's still like fascinated with my sheets.

I put my hands on his cheeks : _"Chandler... I... We've been friends for such a long time, and... You know I've never been happier than those last months. You're the one who makes me smile, who makes me incredibly happy, every single day. Sometimes, I have a bad day at work, and all I have to do is picture your face, and... I'm... I have a huge smile on my face and I feel relaxed. I've never been happier. You know it, right?"_ He doesn't react, so I insist : _"You KNOW it!?"_

He finally opens his mouth, still looking at my sheets : _"What I know is that the others would think I'm not good enough. Come on, Phoebe and Rachel loved Richard. He's like... the absolute reference. He's the best."_

" _I don't give a damn about Richard! I love YOU!"_

I freeze. I dropped the L-bomb without meaning it, it was my heart talking. I had wanted this moment to be soft and sweet, and here I am, yelling it like I'm mad at him, which I'm not. I'm just hurt because he thinks he's not worthy.

He slowly lifts his head and for a second I'm wondering if he's gonna panic, or make a joke about it to release the tension. Then I see a shy smile forming on his lips – oh my God he's so cute I'm melting inside – and he says with a cracked voice: _"Yeah? I beat Richard?"_

I shake my head, looking him as tenderly as I can in the eyes, and take his left hand in mine, squeezing it: _"You beat him so much there's not even a competition between you two. You're so above everyone else."_ I feel I'm a little bit corny saying it, but it's the truth, and seeing him so happy – his smile is know bigger than twenty seconds ago – makes me realize this conversation was necessary. He really was **THAT** insecure.

I continue, pouring all my heart: _"For me, you're the one. The only one. I've never felt so good in a relationship, so at ease, so secure. We understand each other perfectly, you know how to calm me down, you're sweet, caring, extremely cute. I trust you. I love you."_

I see him blushing, hearing all these compliments about him, he's not used to it and doesn't know how to react. Finally, he gulps and looks me in the eyes, a small smile on the corners of his lips, whispering: _"I love you."_

I'm so elated my mind is blank. My heart is beating fast and I'm suddenly having a hot flush. He said it. He loves me. I don't even have the time to smile that he's leaning on me and I feel his lips on mine. He doesn't press them hard, he's just brushing my lips, it's so soft it's sending me shivers.

He definitely knows how to make himself desired, but before I can kiss him harder, he whispers against my mouth: _"You know Mon..."_ I'm shivering everywhere, down my spine, my arms, my neck and even my legs. The way he says my name whispering against my mouth, feeling his breath... _"I think we're ready to tell the others about us."_

Before answering to him, I feel the urge to kiss him hard. I grab his shirt with my right hand and pull his body closer to mine, then I crash my lips hard on his and kiss him passionately. When I'm finished, I hear him chuckle.

" _Wow, you're savage!"_

" _You should know by now."_ I smile.

" _So... what do you think? About the others?"_

" _I agree with you. Let's do this tomorrow."_

* * *

Next day is Saturday and everyone is having breakfast at my apartment. I'm a little nervous, I don't know how to break the news to my brother and Phoebe and Joey. Chandler and I are the only one up, the four others are sitting down at the table, eating. We exchange a quick glance and without speaking it's like I'm asking him if it's the time, and he's confirming it with a light nod, so light that only I can see it and understand its meaning.

I'm clearing my throat and start speaking: _"Guys? I-I have something to tell you."_

Suddenly, everyone stops eating and I have four pairs of eyes looking at me expectantly, and – I have to say – worried. I also feel Chandler's eyes on me, but I know he's protecting me, so I feel more confident.

" _Is it something serious?"_ my brother asks, clearly anxious.

" _Kinda..."_ I admit, before reassuring him, _"but not in a bad way!"_

Rachel have a small smile on his lips and I know she has figured out what I was going to say. I see she swiftly look at Chandler, before coming back to me and nodding discretly, to encourage me.

" _I have been lying to you."_ Why did I choose to start by that confession? I don't know... Maybe because this lie felt more and more ridiculous as the weeks passed. I see my friends frowning at me. _"There's no Chad."_

I hear them gasp, and they're so busy looking at me they don't see Chandler is the only one not acting surprised (Rachel is a good actor, I have to say). After the initial shock, they're all speaking at the same time. _"Oh my God Mon!"_ (Rachel) _, "Not cool to lie to us"_ (Joey) _, "Why, Monica? Why?"_ (Ross), _"I knew a guy so perfect couldn't exist!"_ (Phoebe).

I put my hands in front of me, trying to calm them down. _"Okay, okay, I'm hearing you, let me explain. I agree Joey, it's not cool from my part to lie to you. I'm sorry. Ross, why? Because I was protecting myself... and someone else. Again, I'm sorry, I choose the easier way, which was lying to you... partly, actually. Because, Phoebe, yes, a guy so perfect exists."_

Ross was still frowning, confused: _"I don't understand. There's no Chad but he exists?"_

My hands are moist, I have trouble finding my words and explaining my relationship with Chandler quickly and clearly enough. _"I'm sorry, I'm not explaining things well, it's complicated, it's..."_

I feel Chandler getting closer and putting his left hand behind my back. I'm so relieved, feeling him close to me, knowing he'll help me. _"Don't judge her. Monica is always making everything in her powers to make you happy. Like breakfast very morning."_

My friends are mumbling in agreement and I feel the force to carry on: _"There's no Chad, Ross, but I do have a boyfriend. For more than two months. His name starts like Chad... And now you know why I had to keep it secret."_

Ross suddenly turns to Chandler, screaming: _"WHAT?! AM I HEARING RIGHT?"_ , Rachel puts a hand on my brother's arm, Phoebe yells: _"OH MY GOD! NO WAY!"_ and Joey still hasn't figured it out: _"What? What? Who is he?"_

Chandler sighs at his roomate and rolls his eyes: _"I'm Chad, Joey. I'm Monica's boyfriend."_

Joey's eyes become big and round and he screams, not believing it: _"Noooooooooooo!"_

Chandler shakes his head and agrees with his friend: _"Same reaction, mate."_

I chuckle and lay my head against his shoulder. I can see my brother is still frowning, but before I could explain things to him, Phoebe speaks: _"So... Chandler is the perfect boyfriend you were gushing about? The cute-sweet-funny-amazing-in-bed guy?"_

I know Chandler is blushing next to me, embarrassed, and I can see my brother is not happy about the last revelation of Phoebe, the amazing in bed part. _"Yes, Phoebe"_ , I say, and kiss Chandler on the cheek.

That gives Chandler confidence to talk to my brother softly: _"I'll take good care of her, Ross. I love her, you know. I'm in love with her. I'm sorry we lied to you, but we had to protect ourselves. We didn't want to be the centre of your attention. We wanted to live a normal relationship, just the two of us, not under the permanent scrutenization of our friends."_

I admire his speech, he's so more composed than I was before.

" _I love him, Ross. He's everything I need. He makes me happier than I ever was."_

My brother clears his throat and speaks: _"Yeah, I... I noticed you were really happy these last few weeks, Mon."_

I add, tightening my grip on Chandler's waist: _"He's the reason why."_

Ross gets up and says before hugging us: _"I'm so happy for you, guys. You make a great couple."_

Phoebe screams in excitment: _"Yeah you do! I'm sorry about what I said yesterday Chandler. I'm sure you're a wonderful boyfriend."_

Rachel has tears in her eyes: _"Oh he is!"_

Ross becomes suspicious again: _"Wait a minute! You knew?_

" _I figured it out some times ago... And I can tell you they're so cute together!"_

Joey is moved: _"Aaawwww, my baby finally has a hot girlfriend after all this time without sex!"_

Chandler pats him on the back: _"Thanks, man. Always classy."_

As all our friends calm down, sit down and go back to eating their breakfast, speaking about what they have just discovered. I hear the words "amazing", "unbelievable", "great", but I can't focus on the complete sentences because I'm watching Chandler and I get lost in his eyes. He's looking at me lovingly and leans on me to gently kiss me. In front of our friends, for the first time, without fear.

Yesterday, I never thought I could be happier. But I am today.

I fell in love with my best friend.

* * *

 **THE END**


End file.
